


Gravity

by Hawley



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Skating, Basically it's a Yuri on Ice AU, M/M, figure skating, this is probably really cheesy too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-09-01 22:53:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8641306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawley/pseuds/Hawley
Summary: Kouki enjoyed figure skating as a hobby so he didn’t expect his idol, Akashi Seijuurou, showing up and offering to coach him after a video of him skating went viral.
  Breathe in. Breathe out.
  Don’t let the fear get to you.
(AKA a Yuri on Ice AU that I decided to write.)





	1. Take Off

_He had been helping his family since he was a child in the ice rink called_ Skater’s Sanctuary _. He was ten and knew he didn’t have the talent to be as good of a skater as his brother, who grew to love hockey, and he was too afraid to try the stellar jumps of figure skating. Of course, he could skate well enough but never enough to reach the heights and ambitions like others._

_He did love to skate though._

_He was satisfied with helping his family though, accepting the fact that he’d probably one day take over the skating rink and become its owner. It has been a family business ever since his great-grandfather made his own skating rink in his own backyard during the winters of Hokkaido. Skating is in his blood but he knew he lacked the drive to do anything but enjoy watching people skate._

_Everyone in the town came to_ Skater’s Sanctuary _; young couples looking for something different on their date, families with small children stepping on the ice for the first time, and elderly who needed to stretch out their joints. He had known these people since he was born and their happiness was his own._

_He liked his comfortable life and couldn’t wait to grow up into it._

_Until that day when he turned on the TV._

“This is…quite a program,” His best friend said as he looked at the lists of jumps and steps on the sheet in front of him. His usual blank blue eyes looked up from it and watched as he skated around to warm up.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Furihata Kouki asked as he twisted his body to skate backwards. The blades scraped against the ice and echoed through the empty rink. “ _He’s_ amazing.”

“It seems harder than the last one.”

“He just keeps doing harder and harder things, Kuroko,” Kouki craned his neck to his friend. “He’s been doing this since he was a kid and always catches me off guard.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Kuroko blinked as he held out the paper. Kouki skated and stopped in front of him. “Your jumps aren’t exactly the strongest and there’s…quite a few of them in here.”

“I’ve been practicing! And this is the normal amount!” Kouki nodded. It was true that he probably wouldn’t land them perfectly like in this routine nor will he have the same amount of rotations. In fact, he probably wouldn’t fly as high as _he_ did but that was fine with him. “I _want_ to skate this. You’ve seen his performance, right? It was absolutely mesmerizing!”

“You say that about everything he does,” Kuroko rolled his eyes. He walked over to the bench next to the rink, usually reserved for hockey games. Underneath a small platform against the wall was the radio system.

Kouki glided over to the center, remembering the pose _he_ started in. He wrapped his arms himself, hands on his shoulders, head down and eyes fluttering closed.

_Breathe in. Breathe out._

_Don’t let the fear get to you._

The music rang slowly entered his ears and seeped into his body. His arms slowly presented out, his chest angling forward and his eyes opened. He took a few steps forward, throwing himself into the music and the routine. The sweat dissipating from the cold air to his skin, leaving short trails against his cheeks.

Everything moved slowly and quickly. He couldn’t see the edges of the rink or the nearly empty bleachers, too absorbed in his movements, concentrating on the burn of his muscles and the direction of his hips. He could feel the first jump coming but he wasn’t afraid. He nailed this one thousands of times in practice.

The approach was confident and strong. He swung his leg and spiral and land.

_A triple axel_.

He could feel the drum of the music beat through his body as if it was an oncoming war. The first part was over as moved through his step sequence without a cause that eventually led into some spins. The onslaught of strings and brass mingled with the drums, speeding as he spun, slowly maneuvering his leg behind him, arching his back so he could sense the skate almost touch his head.

And then he stopped right as the music did, his head down and arms swaying in the silence.

He looked up at where Kuroko – his only audience member was – and played the part as an innocent boy, looking lost and alone when all a sudden, he smirked, as if another person lived within.

He moved in perfect sync with the music, letting it flow all the way to his fingertips as he reached up while doing an eagle spread, precariously balancing with his toes facing out. He leaned back as far as he could without losing his composure, reaching for the lights above him.

Twisting and turning, in and out, feeling his body being pushed to peak of exhaustion.

He remembered when he first saw this routine months and months ago. Kouki had always followed _his_ breathtaking and ridiculous routines. He was a prodigy since he was a child and eventually grew into a full adult, somehow, the same age as Kouki. The sheer power of his steps and the charisma spreading to everyone in the audience enchanted him but it was his powerful jumps that always left him breathless.

_A flying spin into a sit spin._

If he didn’t know any better, the man could _fly_. He couldn’t believe how high and far he jumped as if he was breaking every rule of physics. Everyone always screamed and cheered – a new record always broken but Kouki couldn’t say anything.

He hadn’t ever since he saw _him_ skate.

_A quadruple toe, triple loop combination._

He messed up on that last move. It was supposed to be triple but he had to settle for a double. He could feel his knees getting weak and his body screaming at him to rest.

Kouki couldn’t, feeling his heart beating for more.

_Triple lutz._

He was getting sloppy.

He faltered. His landing wasn’t very smooth and he almost crashed into the ground, touching the ice with his hand. He managed to catch himself and stay up though even as his extended leg wavered behind him and skimmed the surface.

The toughest jump was to come. He was mentally drained, feeling the music close in on him as if there was a rampaging battle. The wild brass piercing through his ears as the climax was reaching its point.

He wanted to _soar_.

_Quadruple salchow_.

Kouki could never land that in practice. In fact, he was surprised he could even do the triple. He knew that jumps were never his forte so when he managed to land on one foot on the ice, gliding along as if that was his signature move, he resisted the urge to scream. There were probably a million things wrong with his technique but he had _landed_ it.

He had done what he thought was impossible.

The music came to a conclusion with a sharp violin. He was completely drained, his chest heaving in exhaustion. He could feel a warm glow on his cheeks and the satisfaction flowing through him.

He was met with silence and skated over to his friend who held surprise on his usual blank face.

“That was magnificent, Furihata-kun,” Kuroko’s voice was light and in awe. “That was practically flawless.”

“Haha,” Kouki shook his head and wipe the sweat away with his gloved hands. “It was far from it but I got through it? I landed all the jumps! Not with the right amount of rotations, but I landed them! _And_ I did the salchow.”

“Congratulations, Furihata-kun.”

Kouki sighed and leaned back against the wall that divided the rink from the solid ground. He still felt his blood pumping through his veins, unable to keep from bursting. He wanted to skate more. _Needed_ to. If he didn’t move at that moment then he felt like he would never feel like this again.

“I need to keep going!”

* * *

“KOUKI!” He immediately woke up the next morning at the sound of his brother’s panicked voice. The door to his room slammed open to reveal Hikaru, pale and in shock; out of breath as if he just ran a million meters. Glancing over at his digital clock, he concluded that his brother had just finished his morning run. “GO TO WORK NOW!”

“My shift doesn’t start until one—”

“I swear to god if you don’t go to work now, I will body slam you to the ground.”

“Okay, okay!”

Hikaru didn’t even give him a chance to grab something to eat as he made his way to the rink. As much as he would argue and ask why he was going so early, his brother was much more muscular than him and could easily crush him so he didn’t protest.

The rink was only a ten minute walk away. He figured that Hikaru just wanted him to take his shift rather than making him move for something important. He took out his cell phone and was surprised to see numerous messages from his friends, telling him he was amazing or they couldn’t believe he did _that_.

What _that_ was, he wasn’t sure.

He got his answer when the phone rang in his hand.

“Morning,” Kouki greeted his friend.

“I’m sorry.”

Kouki blinked. That was definitely not what he expected out of Kuroko in the morning.

“For…?”

“I never expected the video to generate such a response,” Kuroko explained. Kouki was completely lost when he continued, “I hope you haven’t been disturbed too much.”

“I…” Kouki tried to find the right words to satisfy his curiosity. He stopped as he arrived in front of the rink where there was a small swarm of people. “Kuroko…what’s going on?”

The other boy didn’t reply as someone had spotted him and caught the group’s attention. Kouki shifted his eyes and saw that some of them had cameras and notepads and he couldn’t fathom why his brain was telling him they were _reporters_. What had happened while he was sleeping to get reporters to suddenly attack him?

“Furihata-san! How do you feel? Are you surprised about this announcement? Has this been in discussion?”

“What was the meaning behind the video? Was it a challenge? A way to get his attention?”

“Do you think you can really continue his legacy?”

“What are you talking about?!” Kouki yelled in confusion. His eyes darted as everyone asked different questions. He was so flustered, unable to put the pieces together with their unhelpful questions when he almost missed it:

“We’re talking about Akashi Seijuurou agreeing to coach you, obviously!”

“Eh?”

He felt himself being pushed through the crowd by an invisible force towards _Skater’s Sanctuary_. He saw his mother standing inside through the glass door and opened it for him before locking up. He composed himself and saw Kuroko, his savior, standing there.

“What’s going on?!” Kouki cried as he turned to his friend. “What did they mean by all that?!”

“I posted your performance of Akashi Seijuurou’s routine the other day and it just exploded,” Kuroko said, looking guilty. “I didn’t expect it to go viral overnight.”

“Why would that shoddy attempt even go viral at all?” Kouki was too baffled to be mad. There was _nothing_ in his poor execution that deserve the amount of attention is received.

He tried to calm himself, making sense of it all. He recalled the questions the reporters were asking. _Was it a challenge? What message was he trying to send? Did he really intend to continue—_

He gasped.

“They said something about him coaching me!” Kouki shook his head. “Was that a thing?!”

“It is, Kouki.” He turned at his father’s voice and almost cried when he saw who was standing next to him.

He was dressed normally in a hoodie and a pair of jeans. His running shoes seemed to be the only that stood out, looking new and pristine and Kouki could see the logo of a very expensive brand. There was no mistaking the red hair and scarlet eyes. With a calm smile, Akashi Seijuurou stood in front of him like there wasn’t a horde of reporters ready to destroy the place to get in there.

“…w-what?” He cursed his brain. It couldn’t form anything comprehensible when his freaking idol was in front of him.

Akashi stepped forward and held his hand out, not disturbed the least when Kouki didn’t immediately take it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Furihata-kun. As you know, I am Akashi Seijuurou and I would like to train you for the Grand Prix.”

Kouki slowly reached out to his hand, recalling the gesture from all those American movies he has seen.

He was actually _touching_ Akashi Seijuurou.

He could feel his heart beating rapidly, feeling his cheeks become hot. He looked up at Akashi’s smile, almost forgetting his words. A slow realization dawned on him as he tried to process them.

The shock was imminent.

“WHAT?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly didn’t mean to write another fic but when you get stuck on one, this sort of happens.
> 
> Plus, I do love that figure skating anime.
> 
> This will probably be less dramatic than my other fic, In the Twilight Rain. I’m having fun with writing this, especially since the anime is ongoing and giving me inspiration. o3o Although, this was originally supposed to be a one-shot but I just...couldn’t stop.


	2. Soar

_The first time he saw him on the screen at his family’s skating rink, Kouki didn’t think he would become obsessed._

_Akashi Seijuurou moved like water, flowing coolly against the ice. Everywhere he skated was frozen with his steps; enchanted like the audience holding their breaths; their hearts stopping in anticipation._

_And he was only nine at the time._

_His family always had skating competitions on the screen. Sometimes there was hockey playing if Hikaru insisted but his mother had a passion for figure skating._

_And then, Kouki followed, gaining a strange fascination with Akashi Seijuurou._

_He had followed his career since he first laid his eyes on him. It was Akashi’s first competition. His debut was polished beyond his years and he had the composure of someone who had competed a thousand times._

_Kouki had never seen such a cool kid before._

_“He was amazing, Kuroko! Amazing!” Kouki told him the next day when he first saw him. “I’ve never seen mom’s class do any of the stuff as well as he did. And he’s_ nine _! His birthday is next week!”_

_“He must’ve practiced hard then,” Kuroko nodded at his friend’s enthusiasm._

_Kouki sighed. “He won! How can you win at your debut? What kind of practice did he do?”_

_He continued watching Akashi’s routines and competitions. His parents started to realize his eyes turned when the boy’s name was called and he would drop everything to watch._

_A customer giggled once when she saw him staring at the screen with such intensity._

_“Kou-chan is so cute,” She smiled to his mother with whom she was talking to. “He really likes figure skating, doesn’t he?”_

_“Just that one skater,” His mother answered with a smile. “He looks away as soon as his interview is done, even though he can’t hear the audio or understand a word! He just likes the skater.”_

_“How cute.”_

_As he grew older, he had the urge to follow the routines with not just his eyes but with his body as well. At first, he used the tapes and DVDs they had until he had broken three machines. When the Internet became accessible to his fingertips, he would watch the routines over and over, studying them and asking his parents to open the rink when he wanted to try something._

_His mother never hesitated. She was thrilled that he was taking such an interest. With his mother as his teacher, he learned the theory of each technique quickly even though he continued to struggle with executing them._

_“You’re too tense when you’re doing your preparation,” His mother was a gentle woman with a firm voice but was always encouraging. “If you tense up too much, you’ll be stiff when you use your momentum and won’t be able to spin as smoothly as you want.”_

_Kouki had always been afraid of the jumps. Ice was slippery, hard, and cold. He didn’t like getting hurt. If he didn’t land correctly, he would fall and injure himself. He never moved past basic skating skills because he couldn’t imagine do it – flying so high._

_But watching Akashi Seijuurou’s routines made him want to_ soar.

‘This makes no sense.’ Kouki thought as he turned away from the man sitting across from him. Even while avoiding eye contact, he could feel the focus as if Akashi was skating another routine to topple the last.

He clenched his hands in his lap.

‘This makes no fucking sense.’

“More rice, Akashi-kun?” His mother asked the other man. He could hear the glee in her voice, having someone who was a professional at figure skating in her house. Kouki would be just as ecstatic if he wasn’t trying so hard not to gawk, stutter, and blush.

“Yes, please, Furihata-san.”

“Please, call me Yumi.” His mother was pushing it, getting too excited and Kouki wished he wasn’t just a bundle of nerves when his idol was in his house. “You’re a growing boy! Eat as much as you want. I don’t understand why Kouki is all skin and bones even though he could fit an entire horse in his stomach.”

Hikaru was laughing next to him as Kouki slide a hand down his face to cover his eyes.

“Oh, don’t laugh, Hikaru! You’d be the same way if you were living on your own.”

“I have muscles!” His brother stopped laughing and began to whine.

“Not enough in your head, I’m sure.”

Kouki burst out laughing and turned to his brother. Hikaru gave a dramatic pout that made him laugh harder. Kouki wasn’t even sure how he could make a pout dramatic but there he was with the most exaggerated puckered lower lip and his arms crossed, hands tucked under his armpits. He slouched as their mother clucked her tongue.

“Now, at least be considerate of our guest!” She placed her hands on her hips. In her right one, she still held the rice paddle and she held a very severe look on her face. “Akashi-kun didn’t need to know about your stupidity but try not to _look_ stupid on the outside too!”

His father, who has been trying to hold it together at the end of the table, broke into a fit of giggles. His mother turned back to Akashi as if she didn’t just break her entire family. She smiled angelically. “More roast beef, Akashi-kun?”

Instinctively, Kouki turned to where he heard the name being called. His mother had just served Akashi some more meat and now, he was looking back at him. He felt a blush rise to his cheeks and was about turn away when Akashi spoke directly to him.

“So, Furihata-kun,” Akashi tilted his head curiously. “When would you like to start your training? In the morning? After dinner?”

“A-as much as I appreciate the offer, Akashi-san…” He heard his mother gasp in surprise and he felt a quiver in his chest as he continued, “…it would be meaningless to train me if I’m not going to compete.”

“You mean you’re not going to try for the Grand Prix?” Akashi blinked owlishly. Kouki almost screamed at how Akashi could have such ferocity on the ice and seemed to be innocent off it.

‘That’s so unfair!’

“No way!” He yelled at the same time his brother exclaimed, “What?!”

Akashi blinked again.

“Is that so surprising?” Akashi furrowed his eyebrows. “You would get a lot of prestige when you win it after all.”

“W-well, Akashi-san—”

“No need for the formalities, Furihata-kun. We are the same age.”

“Akashi…kun?” Kouki never expected to get so close to his idol in the short span of a few hours. He felt dizzy. “I have never really competed before so it’s practically impossible for me, especially since I’m pretty old now…”

“You competed in the Japan Novice Championships ten years ago, didn’t you?” Akashi asked though it was more like he was trying to confirm something. “That counts.”

“I came in last.”

“Then this is your comeback,” Akashi said with finality in his tone. “A chance to redeem yourself after failing. A chance to prove that you can change for the better and reach new heights. To anyone watching and is in a similar situation, that’d be quite inspiring to watch, isn’t it?”

Kouki frowned as he contemplated his words.

“I don’t want that,” He said deliberately. “I don’t want to be an inspiration to anyone. I’m at no state for that.”

“Of course not,” Akashi pointed out bluntly, sending an imaginary arrow shoot through Kouki’s body. “That was a good attempt of my routine in terms of musicality, but the technique was lacking. Your core is too unsteady and you were lacking stamina near the end. The power of your take offs were also weak so you couldn’t get nearly half of the height you could have.”

Kouki couldn’t deny any of that. He was very aware of everything wrong with his skating and was only surprised that it got so much attention in the first place.

“But…” He glanced up and saw Akashi genuine eyes look at him. “You have a lot of good raw potential. You know how to take control of the emotions of the song and you can use that more to your advantage. You have good flexibility and your spins show an excellent amount of practice. With my training, I’m sure you will become someone others aspire to be.”

It was difficult for Kouki to hear the criticism from Akashi but it was even harder to hear him compliment him. He knew his face was red when he couldn’t say anything and could see his family looking at him from the corner of their eyes. They were all smirking at him while Akashi ignored the silence, merely grinning as if he had just won his case.

Which he almost did.

“I’m sorry again, Akashi-s—kun,” Kouki said, looking away again. He needed to get out of the room or he would overheat. “I still decline your offer. Competitions are just not for me.”

He excused himself and brought his dishes to the kitchen. For now, he left them in the sink, needing to move. He knew his parents had an idea of what he was thinking and grabbed his bag with his skates and the keys to the ice rink near the front.

* * *

Skating has always been his solace. It came naturally after all. He probably knew how to skate before walking. The cool atmosphere comfort him, freezing his senses and allowing him to think.

He was pleased Akashi was there. He was a mess around him but he couldn’t deny that getting the chance to shake hands with him, to eat dinner with him, to _talk_ to him was almost a dream come true. Akashi asking to coach Kouki was something he would never imagine.

But he couldn’t do it.

He frowned.

That competition from years ago was a disaster. The first half wasn’t so bad but it went downhill after the second half. He knew he had failed badly at that time and almost quit skating because of that. It traumatized him to the point that he almost lost something _so_ important to him.

He was scared that it would lead to him permanently losing it.

He was fine skating for fun – as a hobby. He didn’t want the pressure to burden him again. He didn’t think he could be the person people looked up to as long as he was afraid.

Akashi was fearless and he never failed. He had never seen him falter; only getting better and better over the years. Kouki couldn’t imagine being like that when he was at this state. Akashi could fly higher than anyone else and the only thing Kouki could do was watch from the ground.

He didn’t know how long he had been drifting on the ice so he was surprised when he saw Akashi watching him quietly, leaning his elbows on the wall separating them.

Kouki didn’t feel remotely startled to see Akashi there, his mind calm and tranquil and realizing that Akashi naturally belonged in a skating rink, no matter where. There was a certain stillness in the air as they regarded each other. All the energy had left him and had been pushed to his skating. He felt too tired to be embarrassed or nervous in front of Akashi.

“I apologize if I appeared impolite earlier,” He said as Kouki skated towards him. “I do believe you have good potential to compete in the Grand Prix. I heard from your family that you don’t do well under pressure and competition just adds to that but I would like to hear it from you personally. Why do you not compete with your potential?”

Kouki stopped and leaned against the top of the wall next to Akashi, their arms centimetres apart.

“I will not meet your expectations, Akashi-kun.” Kouki replied, looking down at his gloved hands. His fingers tapped rhythmically against each other. “Even if I am coached by you, I won’t be able to win competitions or do those jumps consistently. I won’t be able to shine enough to get past the first round.”

“Are you that unconfident about yourself?” Akashi asked curiously. “I don’t think you should look at your skating like that.”

“That routine was the only time I could land those jumps as well as I did and even that was pretty terrible,” Kouki laughed. “I can’t imagine myself succeeding at anything you throw at me when I can barely do your routine. I don’t have your capabilities.”

“No, you don’t,” Akashi was blunt once more. “But you have your own.”

Akashi pushed away from the wall and placed his hands in his hoodie’s front pocket.

“I believe you could reach new heights, Furihata-kun,” Akashi said with a smile. “But if you don’t want me to coach or to enter any competitions, I won’t force you. Even so, as long as I’m here, I would like you to consider it.”

“How long will you be here?” Kouki asked, trying to hide the plea in his voice. He wanted to ask Akashi so many questions about his life, about his skating, about everything he could. The man he had admired for years was in front of him.

“Until tomorrow night.”

Too short.

Way too short.

Akashi gave him a nod. “Good night, Furihata-kun. Please enjoy your skate.”

Kouki watched as Akashi began to retreat. If he was going to leave tomorrow night, Kouki only had now to ask him questions. He only had this moment to enter Akashi’s world and bubble, even for a brief moment.

“Um!” Akashi stopped and glimpsed over at him. Kouki stumbled as he got off the rink to the solid ground, legs shaking in exhaustion. “I-I’ll walk you back! Even though it’s a small town, you can get lost easily here and I know the place like the back of my hand! Well, I live here so I _should_ know it…but even I’ve gotten lost here before!”

Akashi laughed lightly. It was such a musical sound.

“So, should someone who has gotten lost in his own town really walk with me back?” Akashi raised an eyebrow and Kouki felt himself flush. “Nevertheless, some company would be welcomed.”

Kouki nodded and immediately ripped the skates off his feet, wiping the ice away, putting on their guards and placing them back in his bag. He rushed to turn off the lights and made sure everything had been cleaned up before exiting and locking the door. Akashi was standing in front, looking up at the night sky where the moon was in view.

He asked him questions, trying to find information he hasn’t heard before. Akashi didn’t give him any straight-forward answers, being as vague as possible, keeping him in mystery. Kouki wanted to ask him to expand on statements but Akashi said that if he wanted that information, he would allow him to be his coach.

The figure skater was _so_ unfair.

“Fine then…” Kouki trailed off, causing Akashi to look over at him. This had been bothering him all day and it was something he had been struggling with. He sighed and looked at Akashi seriously in the eyes – the first time he’s done so. “Then, why do you want to coach me? You say I have potential and all, but you’re a world-renowned figure skater that has won several titles. You have skated against the best and can easily choose one of them to coach for. Why would you choose me – a nobody? What would you gain from that?

“I want to know this answer, even if you don’t coach me, Akashi-kun,” Kouki said with determination. “I can’t accept the fact that you would come all the way to Japan to coach me without gaining anything for yourself.”

“Do I really seem like such a person that is looking to gain something from this?” Akashi asked with a bit of teasing in his voice. His face became sombre when Kouki didn’t laugh. “Well, I suppose that is true. What benefit would I have training you?

“Let me put it this way, Furihata-kun,” Akashi stopped causing Kouki to as well. His body turned fully and stared at him. “I have won many titles and have broken records over my career. If I do something, even if you don’t mention my name, everyone will know it’s me. It is expected. I have built my career so well that the biggest scandal I’ll have is if I fall on the ice – and I _never_ fall.

“And then you came – a man the same age as me who attempted to perform my best routine so far. It wasn’t perfect but it went viral. Many have tried to copy me before but yours stood out. Do you know why? Because you performed with joy. Because you performed with your own talent. Because you are – as you say – a ‘nobody’ and you managed to get through it. You managed to _surprise_ people.”

Akashi reached for his hand. As if he was watching a film through a lens, he leaned down and kissed the back of Kouki’s gloves, the warmth trickling through the fabric. When he realized that – _yes_ – this was reality, he blushed.

“I want to nurture your talent and show it to the rest of the world,” Akashi said with a low and seductive voice. A sly grin appeared on his lips. “I want to share it with the rest of the world.”

“I—” Kouki swallowed. He felt his mouth go dry. “I’m not special.”

“Just because you’re not special, doesn’t mean you’re not extraordinary.” Akashi replied. He released Kouki’s hand and he felt it go cold. “You can go beyond everyone’s expectations and continue to rise. That is how you go beyond everything you could have ever imagined.” He smiled gently and sincerely. “That is how you soar.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm surprised at the amount of support for this fic! It’s a lot more than expected and I hope that I can meet everyone’s expectations with this.
> 
> I do appreciate constructive criticism and comments! Those are helpful and I do want to write better.
> 
> Also, sorry for cheesiness.


	3. Motivation

_His heart was shaking._

_Stuttering, jumping, quivering – any word that he could think of, Kouki’s heart was moving at full force without looking back. It slammed against his ribcage, against his chest, in his stomach, and threatened to come out of his mouth in gross glory._

_He wanted to cry._

_“M-mom,” He tightened the grip on his mother’s jacket as he watched the skater on the ice. They had just performed flawlessly and with his turn being in a couple more, he felt it getting harder to breathe. “I…I need to go to the washroom.”_

_“Kouki, sweetie,” He felt her drop down on her knees next to him. “You went to the washroom forty-five minutes ago. And you stayed there for a half an hour.”_

_“I-I need to go again!”_

_Yumi embraced him. One gloved hand in his hair while the other rubbed large circles on his back. He buried his nose in her shoulder, trembling._

_“I can’t do this,” He whispered, choking on his words. “They’re all_ so _good. I can’t do any of that stuff!”_

_“Just because yours isn’t as technically challenging, doesn’t mean you can’t perform just as well,” His mother whispered in his ear calmly. “Are you sure you don’t want to do this? You can leave, if you want.”_

_Kouki nodded._

_“Okay. Do you want to stay for the end? I heard they are having Akashi-kun perform as a guest.”_

_He stopped and snapped his head up. He scanned around the waiting room, only seeing other skaters and their coaches, but not the one person he wanted to see._

_“H-he’s here?” Kouki asked as his eyes darted around. He turned back to his mother and saw her smiling._

_“Hey,” She said with a light chuckle. His hands were in hers, almost the same size. “You stopped shaking.”_

_He looked down, noticing that it was true. He stared for a moment, wondering why he had stopped when he glowered at her with a pout._

_“You told me he’d be here to get me to stop!”_

_Yumi gave a small chuckle. “Yes, but it is true after all. He is coming as a guest. How do you feel?”_

_“Annoyed now,” Kouki muttered causing her to laugh louder._

_Once she stopped wiping the tears from her eyes, she viewed him with concern. “I won’t force you to compete if you really don’t want to, but let me remind you the reason why you wanted to in the first place.”_

_Kouki blushed and nodded, looking down sheepishly._

_“Do you still hold that conviction?”_

_“I…I suppose so,” Kouki mumbled. He watched as his mother stood up. She was barely a few centimetres taller than him and he suddenly felt embarrassed that a twelve year old boy had to be comforted by his mother in_ public. _He was_ so _glad Kuroko wasn’t there, catching him with his new camera._

_“Okay!” She grinned wide and proud. “So, are you ready?”_

_Kouki flinched but she patted him on the back, still smiling. Her eyes softened._

_“You’ll be fine,” Her voice was soft enough for only him to hear. “Even if you fall, remember to get back up and keep moving forward. Finish what you started.”_

_Kouki swallowed. They made their way out of the waiting room and he could see the light to the rink at the end of the tunnel. People were cheering and clapping as the competitor before him finished. He clenched his gloved hands, his heart hammering again._

_‘Get back up and keep moving forward,’ He repeated his mother’s words. ‘Finish what you started.’_

He had been designated as Akashi’s tour guide much to his delight and horror. He was delighted because he got a chance to hang out with his idol but on the other, he knew he wasn’t going to function properly, especially knowing that Akashi was going to leave that night.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been back in Japan,” Akashi said as scanned around the town with its traditional roofs and quaint atmosphere. “What can we do in this town of yours?”

Kouki didn’t know what would interest the man, only knowing that his hobbies, besides skating, was horseback riding and _shogi_.

Which, he guessed, wasn’t as hard as he thought it was, with the town having a rural side to it.

“Hello, Kiyoshi-san,” Kouki greeted the large man with shaggy brown hair with slivers of grey. He had a beard and moustache and slight wrinkles on his tanned face.

“Hey, Kouki! How have you been?” He nodded. He glanced over behind to see the redhead and his eyes widened slightly. “I heard the rumours but is that…?”

“Akashi Seijuurou,” Akashi gave a nod of acknowledgement. Kouki looked at him strangely before he continued. “Pleased to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too. So what can I do for you boys?”

Kiyoshi lent them some horses to go riding on his property. They owned a ranch and at least two acres of land so when Kouki was little, he often went riding with his friends led by Kiyoshi’s older son, Teppei. He knew the property like the back of his hand.

Though he wasn’t going to mention to Akashi that he got lost there more than a few times.

Even though he recalled Akashi mentioning that horseback riding was a hobby, just like skating was to Kouki, he didn’t expect to be riding with a freaking _professional_. Akashi looked like he was born to be on a horse like he was born to be on the ice. He rode gracefully, not flinching at when the horse startled at something. He only worked through it and patiently waited for the horse to calm down before proceeding.

It was spring so the trees were green. Small amounts of dewdrops were on the leaves and the sun shined white through them. It was calm with small tweets of birds and the rustling of critters in the background. They followed the path Kouki was familiar with, walking side by side.

“Considering that you’re so busy with skating and it’s just a hobby, I didn’t expect you to ride so well,” Kouki was almost envious at how natural Akashi was on the horse. The skater smiled.

“I practically learned to ride after I learned to skate. Walking was last,” Akashi answered with a soft gaze towards the horse. “I have a horse back home too. He doesn’t get much exercise since he’s in Japan and I’m in Canada most of the time. Though whenever I get a chance to come back, riding is one of the first things I do.”

“What was it like in Canada?” Kouki asked suddenly, recalling that Akashi lived there for years for his career. He was still surprised at how impeccable his Japanese was, as if he never missed a day of speaking it.

“Hot in the summers, brutal in the winters,” Akashi said. It wasn’t that cold that morning but Kouki could see his warm breath become small puffs of steam. “As much as I like it, sometimes the amount of snow isn’t enough.”

“Well, then you’d hate our winters then.”

“Hmm, really?” Akashi shot him a smile. “I’m sure there’s something here that would make it better.”

They made eye contact and Kouki twisted away, feeling his face go red.

‘I must be imagining things,’ He thought with a shake of his head.

They finished a couple of hours later, returning back to the ranch. Teppei was there this time and spoke to him when they returned their horses.

“I didn’t know you could skate that well, Kouki-kun,” Teppei smiled. “It was a surprise when I saw the video. Why didn’t you tell any of us?!”

Kouki just laughed. “I’m not that good.”

The media didn’t seem to catch where Akashi was yet. They had successfully gotten out of the house early that morning and with Akashi dressed so casually, wearing a hat to hide his red hair (Kouki didn’t need to disguise as much since he was inconspicuous and plain), they walked around the town. Kouki pointed out all the good restaurants were and the shops to bring home souvenirs. Akashi immediately went to the souvenir shops to check out the small statues, ceramics and unusual figurines of their town mascot (a large _udon_ noodle that splits into multiple strands at the top for hair, and big eyes) in amazement.

(“His name is Oishii-kun.”

“He has…hair.”

“It’s the design.”

“And eyes.”

“He’s a mascot!”)

Akashi bought a couple Oishii-kun figures to bring back to Canada with him.

Kouki still couldn’t believe that he spent a half an hour discussing with him which ones would probably be better for his friends and coach.

“Is there anything in particular you want to do, Akashi-kun?” Kouki asked as they ate lunch at a small café.

Akashi was chewing on his sandwich leisurely as he was thinking. His cheeks were stuffed, making him look like he was a chipmunk. Kouki hid his smile behind his mug as he took a drink of his coffee.

“Hmm,” Akashi hummed before swallowing his food. His eyes lit up as he peeked over at Kouki. “I want to see you skate.”

Akashi smiled childishly, pleased with his decision. Kouki stared in silence.

“Eh?”

* * *

“Furihata-kun, this isn’t what I meant.”

Kouki looked at him innocently. Akashi stood outside of the rink as Kouki was on it – with kids surrounding him.

“Well, it _is_ Saturday, so there are lessons going on,” Kouki shrugged nonchalantly. “As much as my family owns the rink, we can’t just cancel classes so we can skate privately, you know. Besides, I’m sure they’ll love having a professional skater giving a lesson or two.”

Akashi didn’t look amused at the suggestion.

A whistle blew and Kouki turned. His mother was in the centre and signalled for everyone to gather around. Kouki did as well, squeezing in the circle, next to two excitable little girls.

“Kouki-nii, Kouki-nii,” The girl on his right tugged on his sleeve. She pointed to Akashi. “Is that really…?”

“You got it, Riku-chan,” Kouki smiled.

Her sister on her other side sighed, “He’s so handsome!”

“He’s a really amazing skater,” Riku ignored her in favour of staring at him openly. Kouki turned to watch Akashi’s expression. He only gave a cordial smile and waved. Kouki instinctively waved back. “Is it true that he’s going to making you win the Grand Prix?”

Kouki blinked. He turned to the girls who were anticipating his answer. “Nah. That’s not right.”

The groups split with his mother taking the older group, Aida taking another, and Kouki taking the youngest. His usual spot happened to be in front of where Akashi was standing and watching. Risa, Riku’s twin, couldn’t concentrate, blushing every time she caught sight of figure skater.

“Risa-chan,” Kouki kneeled down when she fell once more. “This isn’t like you. Come on. Let’s get up once more.”

“But Akashi-sama is watching so carefully!” Risa wailed.

Kouki raised an eyebrow. ‘Sama?’

“It makes me so nervous,” Risa placed her hands over her heart. “It’s like he’s looking _through_ me.”

“You’re not making a good impression if you fall like that.”

Risa gasped. “Do you…do you think that he hates me now?! For falling over so much?”

“You might be over exaggerating a little,” Kouki chuckled. He stood up and turned to skate over to the man. He could hear his students’ confused voices. “Hey. Do you think you can, I don’t know, help?”

Akashi stared.

“You seem to be a doing a fine job.”

“Yeah, well,” Kouki rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. “The girls are a little distracted because some famous figure skater or whatever happens to be standing in the same room as them. Do you think you can give a boost to get them back on track?”

“And how do you propose I do that?” Akashi raised an expectant eyebrow.

“Well, you want to be a coach, right?” Kouki playfully stuck his tongue out as he pushed off from the wall backwards. “I’m sure you can think of something.”

Kouki continued teaching his students. Akashi had disappeared so some had regained some concentration while others were bemoaning the fact.

(“I made him hate me!”

“That’s not the case, Risa-chan.”)

He was working with Riku when his students began chattering. He turned to tell them to practice when he paused, his jaw going slack.

Akashi was there, out of his hoodie and was now wearing a sleek grey shirt and black slacks. Gloves covered his hands and he had his skates on, gliding effortlessly across the ice. Kouki had only see Akashi live once and that was one of the most imprinted performances on his brain; seeing him move like he owned the rink, making it his, stirred excitement in his gut.

But he wasn’t performing. He warmed up for a few minutes in the centre before joining Kouki’s group. He heard cries of dissatisfaction from Aida and his mother’s groups and had to plug his ears from the high-pitched squeals of his students.

“So, let’s see those double salchows,” Akashi said with a charismatic smile, causing them to squeal louder.

In the end, Kouki was exhausted. At first, he didn’t understand why. Akashi had enchanted those girls to focus with smiles and compliments and whatever enigmatic charm he had. It would’ve made his job easy, but then he realized that he had to make sure that those girls didn’t tremble and fall to his feet or that they weren’t staring too hard when he went to teach someone else.

They desperately pulled Akashi’s arm when he had moved to another group but he was able to settle it all with a small wink.

“You’re so scary,” Kouki said to the man as he took a sip from his water bottle. Akashi had been given at least six of them by the students and was drinking one. They were still on the ice, resting and leaning against the wall but on the opposite side of where the students were. “I said to give them motivation but I didn’t mean like _that_.”

“You should’ve specified, Furihata-kun,” Akashi tilted his head with a smile and Kouki felt himself just as entranced as the students. “But motivation comes in many forms. I just found one that worked for your students.”

Suddenly, Akashi skated forward and Kouki was surprised at their sudden closeness.

“I’m still unsure of what method I should use to motivate _you_.”

“O-oh!” Kouki turned to the side to avoid his eyes. “T-there isn’t anything in particular! I’ve already made up my mind.”

“Hmm,” He sensed Akashi move back, the warm breath disappearing from his skin. It was both relieving and disappointing. “That’s too bad.”

Kouki tried to breathe calmly. His eyes skimmed around the arena and saw the students unhurriedly putting on their regular shoes, shooting glances towards Akashi. He saw that some were talking with their mothers, taking out phones to snap pictures but not approaching him.

He spotted Riku and Risa bound towards them – the latter lagging behind in nervousness. Riku ran easily without a care and stopped in front of them.

“Ne, ne, Akashi-san,” Riku’s eyes sparkled in glee. “Do you think you can show us some moves?”

“I believe I already did when I taught you, didn’t I, Riku-chan?” Akashi raised an eyebrow in amusement, tapping the bottom of his now empty water on the girl’s head. The girl was not deterred.

“Yeah, but I mean, _real_ moves,” She glanced at the bottle for a moment before turning back to him. “Like…a routine! How about a routine?”

“Riku-chan, the next classes are starting soon,” Kouki had a bit of warning in his voice. The girl looked at him with her innocent eyes though he wouldn’t be fooled. “It was very kind for Akashi-san to even come to give you guys some tips. Asking for a routine is out of the question.”

“Well…” Kouki peeked over at the figure skater who was leaning against the wall. “I wouldn’t mind.”

Risa gasped and Riku cheered.

“However, it would depend if I am allowed to,” Akashi stated as he watched the people entering the rink to put on their skates. “As you do have classes.”

“That’s not much of a problem,” Kouki turned and saw Aida skating towards them. She had a smile on her face. “Actually, a bunch of the students were asking Furihata-san if that was possible. She wanted me to check with you. Now that we’ve got a confirmation, we can get to it.”

After a short announcement from his mother, they moved to one of the player’s boxes. There was excited chatter and screams of delight as Akashi got off to do some small stretches. Hikaru drove on the ice with the Zamboni as everyone else got ready.

“Are you sure about this?” Kouki asked with concern though he was shaking inside. He was going to see Akashi Seijuurou _live_ though his conscious was telling him to make sure this was real. “You don’t have to bend to the will of the students.”

“Oh. So _you_ don’t want me to skate?”

“Well, of course I do!” Kouki blurted out before anything else could happen. He caught Akashi’s smirk and realized it must have come out too enthusiastically. “But if you don’t want to—”

“I do,” Akashi had stood from his stretching and leaned in once more towards him. This time, Kouki didn’t look away, staring at Akashi straight in the eyes. “I’ll show you what a seasoned champion, like myself, can do.”

Kouki snickered. “You’re so arrogant.”

“With good reason, Furihata-kun,” Akashi teased. “I have never lost after all.”

_“I apologize for the delay in our usual classes, but today, we have a special guest with us.”_ His mother’s voice boomed through the intercom of the arena. _“It is with my great pleasure to announce that our guest, Akashi Seijuurou, currently the Olympic gold-medal holder in men’s figure skating and number one in the world, along with winner of several more titles, is going to perform a routine for us. Please, give him a hand!”_

Akashi backed away at the cheers, a smile on his face. Kouki watched as he seemed to float on the smooth ice. Every step, every gesture, ever flick of a wrist – Kouki was drawn. His eyes couldn’t tear away just like when he was little, watching Akashi on the screen. If Akashi was there, there was always a force that caught his attention.

_“Now, performing his famous routine,_ Hades _– Akashi Seijuurou.”_

_Hades_ was a powerful piece that first made Kouki drown in tears because of how ominous it was. It was terrifying to say the least – the music started out violent and sharp, maniacal just like his movements. It was forceful and Akashi’s movements showed that, doing successive stunts at the beginning that made it seem like he being shoved into it.

It was the complete opposite of what was deemed to be normal, yet not. It was during the second half that many skaters placed their hard stunts to get the points and to do so at the beginning was something Akashi was not known for. It was a strange routine but didn’t make it less amazing.

During the second half, he never exhausted himself. The music changed to something light – the flutes flittering, once hidden behind the grand brass, as if spring had just awoken from its cold, winter slumber. Akashi spun and made light jumps, teasing the audience as if he was going to do more. Even so, the flutes turned dark, their sounds reverberating through Kouki’s spine.

The music was reaching a climax as it transitioned from minor to major and Akashi jumped a quadruple flip instead of a toe loop. Kouki leaned forward in anticipation.

He knew all of Akashi’s routines by heart. Every move, every nuance – he had studied it so much that he knew it better than his own town. This sudden change in the program nearly made him lurch onto the ice as Akashi performed.

And he still landed it perfectly. One leg extended back as the other was steady on the ice. His arms were extended as he skated backwards.

Eyes were staring at Kouki.

He swallowed.

With a final spin, the music halted at the same moment he stopped. The cheers came immediately, followed by the familiar clicks of cameras and broke Kouki out of his stupor. He could still sense Akashi’s eyes on him, gloved hand extended out towards him in his final pose, as if waiting.

Before he knew what had happened, that hand was in his; a smile on Akashi’s face so close as if he was right in front of him. Kouki couldn’t remember moving onto the ice nor did he remember talking about anything.

All he knew was Akashi’s smile widened after a moment.

All he knew was he had agreed to be coached by him; see him every day.

All he knew was Akashi was going to _stay_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The horseback riding scene was a bit of indulgence. I wanted to write them horseback ride some time and just slipped it in here randomly xD
> 
> I wanted to post this last night at the same time as Tumblr but AO3 broke. o3o


	4. Longing

_He was ashamed of himself._

_Despite his mother constantly putting extra time to make sure he did something right; despite the fact that he had gotten unconditional support from his friends and family; despite the fact that he had_ wanted _it – he had failed._

_He didn’t even need to look at the competitors after him to know he had lost. After his results were revealed, he tore the skates from his feet and ran for the washroom where his mother couldn’t reach him – where she couldn’t try to console her failure of a son._

_He locked himself in a stall, and when he was sure the last person had exited, he began to cry._

_He was such a disappointment to everyone. Why couldn’t he do the things in practice? Why couldn’t they actually happen when it came to reality? Even though he had tried so hard to get the technique right, to make sure he spent hours on just one jump – a simple one even – he still managed to fail. Why weren’t his step sequences good? Why did an easy toe loop make him fall? Why did he waver on his usually confident spins?_

_Everything he had thought he knew had failed him._

_He hated it._

_Hated how bad he was._

_Hated that this could affect him so much._

_He hated everything._

_He hated skating._

_He stopped sobbing when he thought he heard a noise. It was confirmed when the door silently creaked and closed. Kouki placed a hand over his mouth and nose. He hoped it wasn’t his father or brother, both of whom had been watching in the audience. Or even Kuroko, who had wanted to take the chance to test his new camera._

God.

_He definitely didn’t want to see the replay of that._

_Footprints echoed on the tiles. Kouki gripped his mouth tighter as if the air could speak. Instinctively, he curled his knees to his body, bringing them closer in his awkward position._

_The footprints stopped. Kouki squinted under the stall and could see a clean pair of small sneakers just outside._

_They definitely weren’t Hikaru’s – his feet were bigger. He didn’t recall Kuroko having that unfamiliar brand either. It was definitely a kid though._

_“Hey,” Their voice was light and hadn’t started breaking yet like Kouki’s. He was either the same age or younger than Kouki. “Are you alright?”_

_Kouki didn’t answer at first. He didn’t want to. For all he knew, he could be one of his fellow competitors. Was the competition finished? Had he been crying for that long or was it just some other kid that came to walk?_

_“Yeah,” His voice cracked though whether it was from growing or from crying, he wasn’t sure._

_“You sure?” The small lilt in the kid’s voice sounded amused. “You sound horrible.”_

_“H-hey!” Kouki’s hoarse voice was definitely helping his case. He sniffed when he felt some snot running down his nose. “I’m just growing up! A kid like you wouldn’t know what I’m going through!”_

_“Hah?” He sounded both insulted and entertained. “I’m sure I’m a lot more grown up than some ‘man’ that’s crying just because he just performed poorly in a competition.”_

_“What would you know?!”_

_“Oh, so I was right?” Kouki could practically hear the smirk in his voice. “Well, just to tell you, a kid like_ me _has never cried over losing a competition.”_

_“I’m sure.”_

_“Yeah. Because I’ve never_ lost _,” He sounded so smug that Kouki wanted to punch him in his mysterious face. “You know why? I don’t fall.”_

_“Everyone falls,” Kouki said just so he could argue back against him. “Nobody is perfect. I might have come in last but that doesn’t mean I can’t get first one day!”_

_“Whatever makes you feel better,” The boy laughed._

_Kouki ignored him, feeling angry now. They didn’t even know each other and he was distraught – what kind of person goes and brags while arguing with them?_

_There was a shuffling noise and Kouki looked down to the gap between the stall door and the floor. A hand was presented and he could see the boy squatting without actually identifying him. His arm was stretched out and he could see he was wearing a jersey of some sort. In his hand, there was a red and white handkerchief._

_“Take it,” The boy said with a quieter voice. Kouki complied though he didn’t know why. “The cheap toilet paper will give your nose a rash.”_

_Kouki nodded though he forgot the other boy couldn’t see him. “Thanks.”_

_He lifted it up to wipe his tears when he saw the cute little designs of red birds flying and jumping around the edges. Despite the boy trying to be cool for a moment there, Kouki snickered._

_“Aw, what cute little birds!” He teased._

_“T-those are…!” The other boy spluttered. “They’re cardinals! Don’t you know anything?!”_

_Kouki continued to laugh and wiped his nose with the handkerchief. He paused and stared at it. “Um…it’s a little dirty now…”_

_“Keep it,” The boy huffed. “I have more.”_

_“More of this design?”_

_“Ye—I mean, no!”_

_A couple of seconds later, the boy told him he had to leave or else he’d get in trouble. Kouki was sure he heard him mumble something about being late and quickly went out the washroom._

_He never did get a chance to see the boy or find out who he was. He had rushed to find his family and Kuroko in the hall. His mother grabbed a hold of him in an embrace and apologizing to him. Kouki instantly felt regret, knowing that none of it was her fault. He hugged her back and they made their way to the bleachers just in time for Akashi’s performance._

_He promptly forgotten about the boy as he watched the boy he couldn’t reach skate as amazingly as he always did._

Akashi proved to be a merciless coach.

Of course, Kouki didn’t expect any less, but he still never imagined how _brutal_ the practice really was. He didn’t even know how Akashi was still in his right mind if this is how he practices.

“Come on, Furihata-kun! Those salchows aren’t going to get perfected themselves!”

Maybe Kouki was a masochist but he was enjoying the practices bit by bit. He got to see the serious side of the man – the one he knew was passionate about skating, instructing him, showing him.

Sometimes even touching him to correct his position.

And that became part of the problem.

“I’m so excited!” His mother smiled as they made their way back to the Furihata home. It had been right after the announcement that Kouki had accepted Akashi as his coach. His mother seemed pleased. “If that’s the case, staying at our little hotel would still cost a bit of money, wouldn’t it? I’m sure it would be easier if you just stayed in our house since you’ll be here for an extended amount of time.”

“W-what?” Kouki croaked out as if he didn’t hear her at first. His mother glanced at him.

“I appreciate the offer, Yumi-san,” Akashi nodded. “Thank you.”

“We…don’t have enough rooms?” Kouki counted in his head, trying to figure out where Akashi would sleep. Obviously not his parents’ room. The living room was rude for any guest, especially for Akashi. Hikaru’s room was a complete mess so—

“He’ll be staying with you, sweetie.”

Kouki paused and observed at his mother. She wasn’t looking at him but he knew.

He knew that she knew.

Immediately, he had shot forward towards the house, leaving Akashi and his mother behind. He wasn’t sure if anyone else was home or not as he went up the stairs to his room, slamming the door open.

There were posters of Akashi everywhere in his room back from he made his debut to the present. He looked around quickly, brain processing what would happen if the man stepped into his room and saw the small gallery of himself. He would probably be disgusted; resign from being his coach and go straight back to Canada. Kouki felt dizzy imagining it.

Closing his door behind him, he scattered around, ripping the posters from his walls. He didn’t even realize how many he had before they bundled up in his arms and left him to worry about where to put them.

‘Trash can,’ Kouki thought as he approached his tiny basket. He stopped and gawked before shaking his head. ‘No! These don’t deserve such a place!’

He tried to determine if his closet had enough space.

‘Probably not.’

Under his bed?

‘If Akashi’s on the futon, he might see them anyways!’

In his dresser.

In his desk’s drawer.

Everywhere he searched, he couldn’t find a decent place to put them. He began to panic as his time was running out. He ran out his door and slammed open the door across from him.

“What the hell, Kou?!” His brother had been lying in bed, listening to music on his MP3 player. Kouki ignored his yells as he dropped the pile in the middle of his floor. “What are you doing?!”

“I’ll come back later for these!” Kouki said as he began to close the door. “Don’t tell Akashi-kun, _please_.”

“Kou—”

He cut his brother off and went back to his room to double check that there was no trace of Akashi in there before the real person could get in his room. He cleaned up whatever mess there was and ran downstairs for the vacuum only to nearly run into the man himself in the house.

“Fur—”

“Excuse me! I’ll get the room ready in a minute!” Kouki slammed the closet door and hauled the machine up the stairs.

He finished cleaning in record time and Akashi was finally allowed to enter his room. It felt strange watching him do that. Kouki had seen his face in his room many times and even imagined the real thing. But to actually have it happening was baffling and left Kouki staring.

“Cute,” Akashi said as he regarded the room around him. “The walls are a bit bare though.”

Kouki gave a nervous laugh, leaning against the vacuum. “You think so?”

Akashi nodded. He turned to him with a serene smile. “We’ll display your medals on them.”

It was a mess the first night Akashi slept in his room. Of course, he was the guest so everyone insisted that he took the bed. Kouki had laid out the futon at night only to return from his bath to see the man lying there on his back.

“Akashi-kun,” Kouki kneeled on the floor near the pillow, hovering over Akashi’s face to look at him upside down. His eyes were closed as if he was sleeping. Kouki wondered if that was truly the case. He had already taken his shower, being the very first one to do so, and was lying comfortably in his pajamas. That was probably enough to make Kouki drowsy. “You’re supposed to take the bed.”

Akashi didn’t respond at first. After a few seconds, his scarlet eyes opened, looking up at Kouki with a sleepy look. He was about to tell him to switch to the bed when he saw a pale hand enter his peripheral vision.

The figure skater reached up to his face, fingers ghosting his cheeks. Kouki gaped in surprise, feeling his body temperature go up. Akashi was watching him through tranquility – his eyes shining with the light above, hair smoothed out on the grey pillow sheets, and pert, pink lips open slightly as if he was going to say something.

Kouki must have imagined the dark pink tongue that swiped over them quickly.

“Akashi-kun?” He felt his heart quicken. There was something in Akashi’s eyes that made him tremble in excitement and fear. Something that made his heart drum through him and made him wonder if his body was actually going to be ready to compete since it felt like he was going to have heart failure any second now.

The light touch pushed his cheek more forcefully. No longer were they brushing but they moved with intention across his face, touching his nose, his jaw, his lips.

They lingered longer on the latter.

Finally, Akashi reached up to his hair, twirling a lock in his fingers. A smile played on his lips.

“Make sure you dry off properly,” His voice was low and hushed and Kouki didn’t know why he could hear him so clearly. “We don’t want anything to happen to you before we start winning.”

Kouki didn’t even know when he had leaned closely to Akashi’s face. He immediately backed away, face burning, and ran out the door.

Akashi had moved on as if nothing had happened but every night, Kouki feared for his life because if his idol did that again, he might not be able to make it to the first tournament.

“Akashi-kun,” Kouki began after his Spartan coach decided that he could have a break. They were working on his flips for the past few hours before needing to proceed again after to work on a routine. The thought of it made Kouki worried. “I don’t qualify for any of the Grand Prix competitions, so how do I even _get_ there?”

“What do you mean?”

Kouki turned to him. Akashi was tilting his head to the side with confusion.

“The Grand Prix is an invitational event,” Kouki said though he was sure Akashi was fully aware of the situation. “Only the best of the best are invited to even participate. I can’t possibly get there considering I’ve only competed once and that was ten years ago.”

“Hmm, that’s true,” Akashi replied as if he just realized this. Kouki blinked. “But that can be resolved.”

“…how so?” Kouki watched at him suspiciously.

“You might not need to be the highest seeded skater, but I’m sure you’re able to obtain a decent enough score to get to the tournament,” Akashi explained. Kouki stared in confusion. “In the case that not all the invitational spots have been filled out, then the Organizing ISU Members can select a skater within the top seventy-five from the season.”

“The top seventy-five?!”

Akashi gave him a confident smile. “You just have to be able to rank at least the top five of that and you’re guaranteed a spot.”

“You can’t be serious!” Kouki shook his head rapidly. “Akashi-kun, how can I?! You’ve competed in a million of those events – you _know_ the people I’d be up against. _You’re telling me to get in the top five_?!”

“Not directly, but yes.” Akashi nodded seriously. “Enough for the ISU Members of Japan to nominate you as a competitor. That’s the only way a non-seeded skater can get to the Grand Prix.”

Kouki groaned. “That’s impossible.”

“If we don’t practice, of course it is. Let’s get to it, Furihata-kun!”

Kouki didn’t know how he would survive the training. Akashi had arrived a month after the last Grand Prix (winning first, of course) and the new season would start in the summer. There were too many tournaments for Kouki to compete in and he could really go for the open ones if he wanted a shot at scoring anything.

“Obviously, we’re going for some local competitions first in order to wane off that stage fright you have,” Akashi said when they were back at the Furihata abode. They were sitting in the dining room. Akashi went through his tablet to show all the events on the calendar. “However, the Asian Open should be where your real debut will be. It’s too late in the season to go for this year’s Grand Prix and you’re too unrefined at the moment. We’ll have to aim for next year’s, unfortunately.”

“So…you’ll be staying here until then?” Kouki asked tentatively as if he was hearing this correctly. He would be with Akashi for _two_ years if all goes well.

Something didn’t settle inside him.

Akashi’s reassuring smile soothed it for him. “Yes, Furihata-kun. That is the plan.”

It was strange that months ago, he would never have imagined that he would meet his idol and be coached by him. Now, as they continued working together, it became normal to have Akashi next to him. He continued to work with him without complaint – patiently but urgently. Kouki gradually got used to Akashi being in his room and even managed to get his brother to hide the posters in his own after much begging. He was with Akashi almost every moment of the day and through that, he noticed many things.

Akashi was meticulous in everything in his life, whether it was as a coach, or living life. His clothes, though relatively normal and casual, always were clean and unwrinkled. His manners were refined and he always placed his chopsticks down gracefully and neatly with precision. Every move was calculated and he seemed to waste none of it, especially when he showed him parts of the routines he’ll be skating.

The second was that Akashi was exactly like the ice he skated on – cool, calm and distant. Sure, when he touched Kouki or got near him, he sent the boy aflame with his charm. But Kouki could see that there were moments of stillness when Akashi thought he wasn’t looking. When Kouki turned away, he could sense relief and when he turned back, a mask appeared on his face to make it seem like nothing was bothering him.

(“Akashi-kun, are you okay?” Kouki asked when they had gone for a morning run. They stopped at the top of the small mountain that many people liked to go hiking on. They had taken a moment to rest before going down and look at the sunrise slowly.

Akashi had been looking in the distance at the warm hues grace the morning sky. Kouki had also been enraptured until he saw the light shining on Akashi’s face, eyes still and silent.

He had turned to Kouki and gave his gentlemanly smile.

“Of course I am,” He gave a light chuckle. “Just a little surprised that you made it up the hill in one piece.”

“H-hill?!” Kouki shouted indignantly. “We climbed a _mountain_ , Akashi-kun.”

“This is just a hill in comparison to what we have to face.”)

But there was and that was the third thing Kouki noticed. Akashi had been with him for a month and with a nagging feeling in his gut, Kouki started noticing him checking his phone more often than usual. There were moments late at night that Kouki awoke to see Akashi on the ground next to him; the screen of his phone glowing against his face. His eyes gazed at it longingly.

Kouki was aware that Akashi had left his life in Canada in order to come to Japan to train him. As shocked as the world was with his move and how tentative he was at accepting the offer, he was still pleased. _Happy._ Perhaps he was blinded by that and didn’t know that behind his ever cordial coach, there were things that were left unfinished.

“ _I told you. I’m going to coach him,_ ” He had accidentally walked in on Akashi talking on the phone after they finished for the day. Akashi went outside to take the call while Kouki was cleaning up the rink and making sure everything was turned off before hiding behind the corner. “ _My career can take a pause. I’m not disappearing from skating after all._ ”

There was silence as the other person responded. Kouki felt his heart drop and remorse well up inside him. Akashi had left in the middle of the skating season. Everyone must be worried about him.

“ _Yes, I’ve been getting his calls. Yes, I have talked to him,_ ” Akashi continued without faltering. “ _I’ve told him the same thing. I’m sure you know how he responded._ ”

Silence again.

“ _I’ve thought it through,_ ” His voice grew quieter. Kouki resisted the urge to lean in to listen more clearly. “ _And I’m sure I can find it here._ ”

When he hung up, Kouki waited a moment. He peered from the corner, watching as he looked down at the phone, eyes becoming dark and a sigh escaping his lips.

Kouki stepped out and Akashi smiled at him as if nothing happened.

Akashi never let things show on his face but Kouki knew that all wasn’t perfect behind the prodigy’s façade.

He just wished he knew how to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the next chapter! I wanted to put in a lot more in this chapter but I felt that that would be a lot and will have to wait to put other details later. I’ll be trying to update this every other week as I want to focus on my other fic at the same time.
> 
> Thank you so much for the support on this fic! I hope you’re enjoying this!
> 
> (Also, I'm probably freakin' wrong about how the Grand Prix qualifications work and whatnot, so sorry about that. But hey, let's try to keep in mind that this is a work of fiction and I have no clue what I'm doing. Mmmkay?)


	5. Believe

_Kouki didn’t go on the ice after his first tournament._

_He was afraid of the ice. Knew how cold it could really get and how isolated he was when he was standing in the center by himself. People watched him with expectations. Judges were ready to criticize the wrong moves and ready to zone in on them._

_He was twelve when he entered his first official tournament. Too late for many, but too early for him._

_His family was concerned. He could see the way they looked at him when he never touched the ice. Hikaru had tried to get him back, lifting him up in the air and walking over, but Kouki always struggled. He stared at the white surface with agony inside of him._

_It wasn’t easy for him to recover._

_“Kouki, sweetie,” His mother walked up to him a month after the tournament, concern lacing her features. He was working at the rental shop with her while his father and Hikaru were dealing with sales. “Are you…happy?”_

_Kouki didn’t know what to think about the question._

_“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” His mother didn’t look satisfied with the answer. A hand was on her hip and her kind brown eyes were lonely. He didn’t know what had happened to make them that way._

_“Hmm, nothing,” She said as she reached over to him. She placed a hand on his shoulder blade, bringing her close to him. He barely reached her height. It didn’t feel like he grew the past month since the tournament. He was still a kid that needed his mother’s warm touch. “It’s getting a bit tough in school now, right? Do you want to take a break from working at the rink?”_

_He turned to her with confusion. Her eyes showed him she knew. She always knew. Her hand went up to his hair, rubbing his tresses in a comforting manner._

_“Yeah,” He breathed out quietly. He looked down at the floor feeling the shame and guilt inside. “I think that’d be good.”_

“It feels like I haven’t seen you in here in forever,” Momoi’s voice entered in his ears as his muscles stretched. His curved arm rose to the ceiling, his back elongating as much as possible while keeping his belly straight. The woman stood in front of him as he examined his reflection against the wall-length mirror. “At least ten years.”

“Yeah,” Kouki huffed as he settled back into first position and lowering his arms in front of him. “I’m out of practice.”

“Well, you’re not training to be a ballerina,” Momoi smiled softly as Kouki raised his arms to the side. “Your right arm is too low.”

He adjusted it.

“I’m glad that you’re here though,” She said as she walked over to him to adjust the right arm a little higher. He burned the position in his brain. “It’s nice to see.”

“What?”

“Your passion,” Momoi smiled so brightly that she looked like she was going to cry. “It looks like you’re having fun.”

Kouki never thought about it before. He was just happy that Akashi was here with him. He was going to stay with him for this season and then get him to win the Grand Prix for the next. He had two years with the man which was more than enough. More than dream.

Even with the harsh practices and constant exercise (and sometimes, the strict dieting that he almost cried over), he supposed he was having fun.

“I always have fun when I skate.” Kouki said as he took a step and leaped to the side like Momoi had showed him earlier. “It is in my blood after all.”

Momoi laughed. Her eyes were tender. Kouki recognized that look. “I can’t deny that.”

They worked on more positioning and jumps; more stretching and Momoi nearly killed him when his core kept slacking. He didn’t have skating practice until the evening so he had to make do at Momoi’s family’s studio and it seemed like no matter where he was, he would be put to work to the point of exhaustion.

“Where’s Akashi-kun by the way?” Momoi asked at the absence of his coach.

She had pitied him enough to allow a break. Kouki squirted some water in his mouth before answering.

“Doing some advertising,” Kouki nearly laughed when he recalled the town begging him to do some promotional stuff for them. Of course, being the man of courtesy, Akashi didn’t refuse and was probably fending against media outlets like mad. “It was only so long until someone found that he was staying at our place. Ever since, the media has been hounding us and it looks like we have more tourists in the area. He’s just playing his role as a famous international figure skater.”

They continued for a few more hours after and bid his friend bye when they finished. He walked down the streets normally – there was no media attacking him and he was worried about how his coach was faring. Kouki was glad that he was blessed with a plain appearance that no one would come up and bother him. He never did watch Kuroko’s viral video of him and figured with the lack of people approaching him, they couldn’t tell that he was the one who skated in it.

He never looked at the videos of him Kuroko has recorded. He has considered it. His friend had always been there to record whatever attempts he made to skate Akashi’s routines or work on a new move. He always gave him the file to take a look and to analyze but part of him inside didn’t want to. Just like anyone else, he was embarrassed to look at himself on the screen – _is that me? Was I always that small? Are my eyes really that big?_ – but it was more than that.

It was proof that he was trying to be something he’s not.

He arrived at the rink around three; the air feeling warmer than the winter bite. He took off his coat in the staff locker room and met his mother and Aida who were also getting ready for the day.

“Where’s Akashi-kun?” Aida asked curiously as she looked around.

“Busy with the media.”

“And you’re not with him?” Aida asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Why would I be?” Kouki asked incredulously.

“You _are_ his protégé after all,” Aida said with a grin, elbowing his side. “You’ve been with him at all times since he came here!”

“I haven’t!” Kouki blurted out even though he knew it was far from the truth. He denied her out of reflex and he couldn’t go ahead and back out now. “It’s not like I take a bath with him or anything—”

“Oh, but you _have_ thought about it, haven’t you?”

“ _No!_ ”

Kouki walked on the ice with a flushed face and his students asking questions. He tried to answer them as best he could while thinking of excuses. He could hear Aida laughing wherever she was on the ice.

The lessons proceeded without any other problems and Kouki felt himself relax, lost in his normal routine. It was easy with lively children rushing forward or racing ahead around the rink during warm ups and cool downs; small ones falling and almost crying and Kouki needed to comfort them before their mothers could worry about their injuries.

He got off when his classes were over and Hikaru took over for the younger group. His workload at the rink had been greatly reduced since Akashi started training him. On one hand, he was glad because that meant he had time to rest and practice accordingly. He couldn’t have asked for a more understanding family, even if his brother was always muttering about taking over his shifts.

However…

Kouki leaned forward against the half-wall from the side as Hikaru was working with his regular class.

Madoka had just conquered her fear of skating backwards. Sayaka had finally started breaking using the snowplough technique instead of crashing into the wall to stop. Homura finally stopped holding onto the side and was willing to skate on her own, even with shaky legs, as long as her friends were with her.

He sighed, staring longingly on the ice; longingly at the joy on the students’ faces.

They were eventually going to get stronger without him.

* * *

Akashi came back to the house all composed but as soon as he entered Kouki’s room while he was doing sit-ups on the floor, he collapsed on the bed. Kouki had just sat up and paused to look at him before giggling to himself and continued with his set.

Music played in his ears as he did his last stretches, sitting with his legs split apart, elbows touching the floor in front of him. He didn’t hear anything except the steady rhythm in his ears as he walked his hands forward to reach as far as he could.

A warm finger traced along the top of his spine. Goosebumps rippled on his skin in surprise but he didn’t react other than that.

“Are you a bit more rested, Akashi-kun?” Kouki took out the right earbud so he could hear the response.  “I would expect you to be used to it.”

“Doesn’t make it any less exhausting.” Akashi was quiet. Kouki paused mid-stretch as he felt Akashi stroke the skin of his neck.

His movements were languid and less assertive. Soft and uncertain, less confident than usual. Tame. Unsure.

Kouki didn’t know how to respond.

When it came to this man, he was a surprise. He could be a harsh coach one minute then a person ready for cameras and strangers the next. He could appear ridiculously innocent or ridiculously seductive in split seconds – way too short of a time for Kouki to react.

But he never appeared unconfident in any of those expressions. He always had an assuring aura that drew people in and make him believe in his words and actions; make them believe that he would win.

This was a different Akashi than Kouki knew.

After dinner, they headed to the rink for practice. Akashi was normal throughout the warm up, completed concentrated on the task. Kouki watched him from the corner of his eyes.

They went through the first hour going over some of his faulty jumps. He was particularly weak at doing the salchow and lutz. After the break, they were going to work on his short program a bit more and discuss his free skate.

“Do you have any music in mind for your free?” Akashi asked as he leaned against the wall.

Kouki stared.

“You’re not choosing the music for it?”

“Well, if you don’t want to, I can.” Akashi shrugged. “However, it is a _free_ skate. You do have a bit more freedom to do what you please.”

“I…” Kouki paused. He didn’t know any good songs or what constituted as a good song for skating. He never really thought about it or examined the music. He only studied how Akashi skated with it, the expressions he showed, and how the music ascended with the jumps and spins.

It was a big responsibility. The free skate would be long and tiring, accumulating from the entire season and accenting his strengths – what he could do as a skater. It would follow him for the rest of the season, no matter how long or short it was. He wasn’t a professional and didn’t know any better. How could he possibly choose?

“Could you do that, please? Choose the music?”

Akashi looked at him silently. “Sure.”

The rest of practice went as painlessly as it could. The air was a lot more subdued than usual. Akashi was watching but there wasn’t his usual critique and Kouki knew he didn’t deserve such silence. He was far from perfect so it unnerved him to get nothing.

At the end of practice, Akashi walked to where his MP3 player was plugged in. Kouki peered over curiously when he didn’t immediately take it out and began to fiddle with it instead.

“This is the song I’m think of for your free skate.” Akashi said before playing it.

He let the music sink through the speakers. Kouki closed his eyes, trying to get it etched in his ears and seeped into his skin, letting his body feel it.

It started quietly, trickling and filtering out louder. It was simple at first – a single melody that was easy to hum. It seemed incredibly plain for Akashi to consider for a free skate.

And then the middle came.

Unexpectedly, there was a surge of instruments that flowed through, blooming and exploding all at once. It was as if the wind blasted at him, sending him on a hurricane of emotions. There was a rising moment of hope by the trumpets that was forfeited to the lower brass; the flutes tried to keep up but ended losing to the drums. The sweet and tame melody had disappeared and was overpowered by the timpani’s roll.

It was chaotic.

“Impossible!” Kouki shook his head frantically. He felt the shiver down his spine at the complexity; the image of a losing battle in his mind as he heard the music. “Impossible!”

“Furihata-kun,” Akashi reached out to his cheek with his gloved hand. When he pulled back, he could see that there was a dark patch in one small spot. “You’re crying.”

He instinctively raised his own gloved hand to his cheeks and wiped away the tears but his eyes were focused on Akashi.

“In what situation could I ever skate to…to _this_?” Kouki protested, feeling the chaos in him. “It’s way too strong and complicated for someone like me.”

“‘Someone like me’?” Akashi implored. The tone of his voice changed and Kouki could feel a sudden darkness. “Please explain.”

He hesitated but clenched his fists at his side, organizing his thoughts.

He wasn’t going to be thrown off by Akashi’s voice.

“This song doesn’t signify who I am as a skater,” Kouki was surprised at how steady his voice was and pushed forward in case it faltered. “That’s what the free skate is about. I wouldn’t be able to utilize it to the best of my abilities and make it my own. It’s the complete opposite of what I am as a skater.”

“Then please tell me: what do you think you are as a skater?” Akashi inquired, his voice growing softer. It eased to something Kouki was familiar with and he felt himself relax at it, even though he didn’t have a ready answer for the other man. “What do you hope to accomplish?”

“I am a novice,” Kouki admitted. He wasn’t doing it out of shame though and was looking at it through a rational, truthful point of view. “What right do I have to perform to such grandiose music when I barely have any history? What right do I have to march in as an equal to everyone on a higher pedestal than me?”

Akashi didn’t say anything but was analyzing him quietly. His piercing eyes were trying to pinpoint everything about Kouki that he didn’t know.

And that was a lot.

“‘Right’?” Akashi’s voice was dangerously calm. Music from his MP3 player continued and Kouki recognized it as _The Village of the Lonely_ – a masterful tango routine that had people screaming and squealing at how seductive it was when Akashi performed it.

The masterful skater stepped on the ice towards Kouki.

“Everyone has this so-called ‘right’ to stand amongst the best,” Kouki skated backwards when the man got too close. Of course, Akashi kept up with his steps. “Everyone has the ‘right’ to be up on that high pedestal and perform something so grand that it’ll make the audience look at you in awe. _Everyone_.”

Akashi skated to his side but Kouki twisted and went the opposite way. The figure skater didn’t give up, pressing forward causing Kouki to swivel and coil, his feet in familiar step sequences to try and void the man.

But he didn’t stop.

“If you want to select a song, I am willing to listen to you and let you choose what is appropriate,” Akashi pushed forward until his face was up in Kouki’s. He panicked, feeling his breath way too close to him as the guitar played rapidly. “But first, you need to listen to it and consider why I think it’s appropriate for _you_ ; the person I chose to reach the impossible pedestal amongst the top in the world. To me, there is nothing impossible about it.”

“I’m just some guy that can’t carry burden and pressure, satisfied with the life I currently have,” Kouki growled. He didn’t know why he was so angry. Was Akashi just so blind that he can’t see the truth? “There’s no reason for me to reach that high.”

“But _you_ chose to do this,” Akashi explained and suddenly, Kouki felt himself backed against the wall. Akashi had both hands on either side of him, standing a little too closely and trapping him there. “It was your conscious decision to let me coach you. It was your conscious decision while knowing what my goal was for you. Are you telling me that this entire month that I’ve been training you has been a complete waste of time?”

“ _No!_ ”

“Then what is it?” Akashi demanded. His voice was still calm but held an edge of frustration. “Why do you think you’re not good enough for this song? To stand where others stand?”

“ _Because_ ,” Kouki cried out. He could feel the tears forming this time and gripped the wall tightly, “I don’t want to lose this!”

“Lose what?”

“ _Everything_ ,” Kouki croaked under Akashi’s scrutiny. “If I fall and fail, I’m going to lose _everything_.”

The fear overwhelmed him and he was afraid of losing it in front of the man. His arms were shaking as they tried to keep him up and he was surprised he wasn’t slipping on the ice. It was getting difficult to breathe with his heart beating so quickly and the dread overshadowing him.

The rink was too cold now.

He wanted to leave.

“Then hold onto it,” Akashi said plainly. Kouki looked up at him. His face was sombre, eyes reflecting a certain vulnerability he had never seen in any of his routines before. Only late at night when Akashi didn’t know he was looking, staring at light of his cell phone. “Hold onto it and don’t let go. If you lose it, go for it once more until you hold on even tighter than before.

“And if you fall and fail, I’ll be there to pick you back up.” Kouki’s eyes widened at the declaration. “I will drag you off the cold ground so you can try again.”

“What if I can’t get up?” Kouki whispered. “What if I decide to stay?”

“Then I’ll join you,” Akashi replied back quietly. He leaned in, his face inching closer but Kouki felt no need to blush and hide this time. He didn’t touch him, however. “I’ll be there until you’re ready to dust off the ice. I’ll be there until you’re ready to stand on your own.”

He could feel the assuredness in his voice even though his voice was tender. The assertive in his eyes didn’t waver and Kouki felt himself being drawn in more.

He felt himself hoping and believing in Akashi’s confident words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to highlight some of Kouki’s fears in this chapter. Akashi coming into his life with this grand declaration is sort of a big step for it, despite how much he enjoys him being there.


	6. Earth and Sky

_Not skating was like not breathing for him._

_But now, every time he breathed, it was like poisonous gas was soaking through his lungs. He was weak and weary and didn’t know the cure._

_It was like he was dying._

_He thought that being excused from his duties at the rink would cure him. He’d be away from the action, the coldness, and the fear. He would be away from the memories that made him this way until he could sort out his feelings on his own. Maybe everything would be back in no time._

_But he was suffocating._

_School went on like normal. He hung out with his friends more now that he had the time though he had difficulty with Momoi when she asked him if he was coming to the studio again._

_He didn’t answer._

_He ran._

_Everything was a blur and Kouki didn’t know that it had been two weeks since he was excused from the rink. He wasn’t asked back and he came to the realization that it was probably a rejection: he did so poorly and couldn’t even skate anymore when his family was a group of skaters. He wasn’t invited back in._

_But he didn’t want to go back._

_At times, he didn’t have the energy to hang out with his friends. There was an urge to go back to the ice but he could see the monsters: he could see them laughing; he could see them pointing; he could see them whisper in his humiliation. He could see them questioning him:_ why did you compete when you have no talent? Why did you try to do something you could never do? Why did you try to reach _his_ level even though he is beyond the sky?

Why?

_Watching Akashi Seijuurou after his failed performance was both amazing and disappointing. Of course, his idol was someone that could do things flawlessly as if he was born spinning and jumping. At the same time, it made realize how incomplete he was. An ugly jealousy formed inside of him when he watched, knowing that that would never be him. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to win with his ability as long as Akashi Seijuurou was there._

_In a sense, he cursed him._

_But his personality got the better of him; he let it happen._

_He knew his place was not with the gods._

The free skate was a problem that Kouki turned over in his head for days. He listened to the music, reluctantly, over and over. He could get through the first half fine before the chaos erupted in his ears, bursting through and destroying his will. Every time, he would think the same thing.

_Impossible._

_It’s too hard._

_I can’t do it._

But he tried to keep an open mind.

Akashi chose this music for _him_. He gave no other option; no alternative. He knew he should be listening to his coach but how could he readily accept it when he was so uncomfortable with the music? It was drastically different than what he imagined his free skate to be.

But then again…what did he want out of his free skate?

He couldn’t just walk into a skating season without an idea. There were reasons that they were given choices during that routine. It was to highlight their individuality, their talents – their message. But Kouki didn’t have one at that moment – his entire mentality was to get through this season and win the Grand Prix.

‘So, what am I doing?’ Kouki blinked. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed, earbuds in his ears as he listened to the song for the umpteenth time. A towel was around his neck, catching the small amounts of water that had remained in his hair from his bath. ‘What am I skating for?’

He certainly didn’t believe he could win, despite Akashi’s believable voice. He didn’t need to compete in the first place yet he agreed to get the man to do coach him. He had no talent and knew that his future as a competitive figure skater would be short.

So what’s the point?

_Akashi._

_He_ was the point. _He_ was the reason Kouki was in this dilemma in the first place. If he wasn’t so damn persuasive, showing off those mesmerizing moves _live_ in front of him, Kouki would be safe. He wouldn’t compete. He would be doing his normal thing on the rink, teaching children to skate, managing the rental shop, and chilling with his friends.

Akashi broke him out of his routine and Kouki had let him because he wanted him to _stay_.

He had posters of him. He had DVDs and old tapes that couldn’t be used anymore. He had pamphlets, photobooks and interviews that he painstakingly worked hard at translating from English to Japanese (all of which were in a box, tucked in the corner of Hikaru’s closet, thank you very much).

He had the routines engraved in his skin, his mind, and bones. He had _memories_ of when he first saw him on the screen; of when he first saw him live, even if that was slightly bittersweet.

If the real thing showed up in front of him, _of course he was going to get him to stay_.

But it was only temporary.

Kouki ran his hands through his hair, grabbing at the roots and falling face forward in his pillow, screaming into it in frustration.

He stayed there for a moment, trying to calm down. He couldn’t stress himself but the more he thought about it, the more he couldn’t believe that all of this was happening. He needed to calm down and think this through rationally.

Shooting up from his bed, he quickly threw on a pair of sweatpants and a jersey. He quickly went down the stairs and caught his mother’s attention from the living room.

“Everything alright, sweetie?”

“Yeah,” Kouki breathed as he put on his shoes and grabbed the familiar key and duffle bag near the front. “I just need to think for a bit. Is that okay?”

He looked over when his mother didn’t reply immediately. She was leaning against the railing of the stairs, looking at him inquiringly and with worry. He could see the clockwork turning in her brain, trying to read him like she always did.

“You have half an hour,” She finally stated after a drawn-out silence. “You’ve practiced a lot today. I don’t want you to overdo it.”

“I won’t,” Kouki leaned over to his mother and kissed her on the cheek. “Thanks. If Akashi-kun asks, tell him I went for a walk.”

He didn’t wait for an affirmation, turning and walking out of the house to the rink.

He could think better on the ice.

* * *

He placed his MP3 player in the dock, letting it play on the random setting. Even though he knew he possibly couldn’t with his judgement, perhaps finding a new song would ease him. Perhaps he could find a song he loved to represent him as a skater.

Perhaps he could find his meaning.

He warmed up, practicing some simple singles and doubles. His spins had less rotation and speed to ease him into relaxation. He wasn’t there to do any hardcore practice after all; just needed something to clear his mind.

Besides the spins and jumps, he worked on his musicality, letting his arms and body expand and retract with the beat. His hips twisted and turned as he tried to keep the smooth lines he memorized while at Momoi’s studio.

He listened to the songs he was familiar with off his MP3 player. The emotions of the songs didn’t seem to fit the free program. Some of the styles just weren’t right. Some were lively and some were sombre. They were too fast or too slow. But he tried to find a benefit to each one, needing to get Akashi’s out; cut it from himself.

The next song played and he recognized it immediately: _La_ _Liberté de Moi._ It had been the song to Akashi’s piece five years ago and it was the one that set his status as a heartbreaker to the media. It was the year that everyone could see him bloom from a boy to a man, showing more maturity than ever before.

It was the first time that a figure skating routine had lit Kouki’s cheeks aflame.

Of course, Kouki had tried that routine and failed. Not only the moves but he couldn’t be as alluring as Akashi was. He couldn’t ooze in the sexuality he didn’t have after all. Kuroko probably had the video somewhere but he never checked. He was too embarrassed at the thought of imitating something like that.

The only decent Akashi routine he managed to pull off was the recent one of last year’s Grand Prix, the one video that became viral. It pressed upon a different side of Akashi that he hadn’t seen in a long time. It was sensitive and vulnerable, as if he was a lost child, still young and confused, before rising up as a changed person, dominating his past fears and pressing forward.

_That_ – Kouki knew – was the story of his skating.

As if reading his mind, _La_ _Liberté de Moi_ faded and was replaced with _Chuusuru_ – the song that brought Akashi here. His body trembled, remembering the beautiful routine that he miserably executed; he quivered as his muscles moved at the memory.

He remembered being the lost boy, losing with a heavy heart; wavering to move, stagnant in his life; pure fear enveloped him. The drum vibrating through his chest; strings and bass rising slowly.

The music was sorrowful at this part. His body stretched and reached towards the ceiling in longing. He could imagine the story clearly as if he was the main character – as if this was _his_ story. With his hands reaching up, he was asking the gods why.

_Why was this happening him?_

_Why was he the victim?_

_Why couldn’t he let go?_

His fingers curled as his hand felt to his chest against where his heart was.

The boy rose with the music, emerging after discovering his solution. He came at full force and stronger than ever. There wasn’t anything particularly complex about the second half except for the jumps and executions but there was a certain refinement and grace Akashi carried through that nobody else could copy. The growth of the child shining through as he found himself – his answer.

The final pose was strong: his arm straight up with a fist in the air, the other behind him as if pushing something away. It was an indication that the boy was now a man that had surpassed all odds but…

The image Kouki had when he first saw the routine was loneliness. It was true that the character came out stronger than before but the figure was alone on the ice. The hand was showing the gods that he won against them but when the routine was over, Akashi’s hand grew limp, slowly moving down little by little as if he was still lost in the dance.

It haunted him.

He knew this was the routine he wanted to imitate well.

Kouki’s chest was heaving. His heart hurt and felt something stinging in his eyes. He wiped the sweat and the excess liquids away from his face, surprised that he went all out on _Chuusuru_ without a second thought. He wasn’t supposed get himself excited when he was still trying to figure things out.

But it felt good.

“Furihata-kun,” His head snapped up, startled at the harsh voice. Akashi stood there, eyes narrowed and arms crossed and he looked _pissed_. “Get. Over. Here.”

He looked like he was about to burn Kouki alive and unfortunately, the boy had nowhere to go. The high from the routine disappeared ash he glided over. His legs trembled though he wasn’t sure if it was because he was scared shitless or he was exhausted from the routine.

He stopped in front of Akashi, who stood on the solid ground, but more than arms’ length from him. He wasn’t sure if he was going to get hit or strangled so he made sure he was able to skate away if possible.

“Come. Here.”

His voice was low and hushed. Demanding and now that he was closer, it sounded more like concern than anything. With that, Kouki slowly skated forward like a terrified animal, standing in front of Akashi.

With his skates, he was just slightly taller than the man. Akashi had to look up a little to make eye contact with him and Kouki could see that he wasn’t as furious as he initially thought. No, it was definitely more out of apprehension than anything else and the panic disappeared, replaced by guilt instead.

“Seriously,” Akashi huffed and suddenly, Kouki’s sight became black. He thought somehow, the god named Akashi made him blind – only to feel the shape of his hands on his head, rubbing something against it. “I _told_ you to dry your hair properly. I bet you didn’t and what happens? You go outside and then to the rink – _both_ places are cold right now.”

“It was dry!” Kouki laughed as his hair continued to get messed up. “I haven’t gotten sick since I was in junior high!”

“You can still get sick,” Akashi stopped and Kouki felt his eyes again. “You have to take better care of yourself. Don’t get sick. Don’t get lost in your own town.”

“I’m perfectly fine!” Kouki groaned.

“Don’t just disappear like that,” He thought he heard Akashi say but he was sure his ears were playing tricks on him. He glanced down at Akashi who frowned. He was quiet. “Are you okay now?”

“Yeah,” Kouki closed his eyes. Akashi was massaging his scalp through the towel and he was feeling drowsy. “And…I figured some stuff out and I want you to listen to me.”

“Okay.”

“I have the worst stage fright of anyone I have ever known,” Kouki said straight-forwardly, opening his eyes and watching Akashi’s expression. “Being in the spotlight terrifies me. That competition ten years ago just made it worse when I completely humiliated myself in front of everyone. I turned against skating because it reminded me of that moment.

“But I continued to skate,” Kouki looked at him straight in the eyes, “because of _you_. Ever since I first saw you, you were my reason to skate, Akashi-kun.”

Akashi blinked and Kouki could see how startled he was.

“Watching you on the screen made me realize how much there was to give up if I didn’t continue,” Kouki carried on. “The routine in the official competition I watched later took my breath away. I felt so connected to you…and the ice. For so long, you were important to me as a skater.

“And even now, you’re still important to me,” Kouki tried to resist the blush rising to his cheeks. “I want to skate to make you proud but how can I when I can’t even be proud of myself? I’m still scared.

“Akashi-kun, you have been the sky that I could never reach.” Kouki said firmly. “I am shackled to the earth and I can’t touch you. I can never get to where you are but that’s okay. My skating is not to touch the sky or to fly. Mine is to stay grounded and be true to myself. I can’t say that I’m ready for anything yet but the music scares me. It makes me think that I’m going to get buried.”

Kouki sighed, feeling himself exhale in relief. It sounded so lame out of his mouth. He had always compared Akashi to the sky and as someone who was too far for him to reach. It was pure, cheesy poetry that he had vowed to keep inside of him forever. That was the plan until that moment. He tried to swallow the embarrassment and looked at his idol from under the towel.

Akashi didn’t say anything at first, processing the words. He took the cloth off his head and walked over to the bench where Kouki saw two duffle bags now. Akashi reached in and grabbed his skates, yanking them and tying them quickly.

“You have the song on your MP3 player, correct?”

“Yeah, but what—”

Akashi marched over and adjusted the music, cutting off the current song. Kouki heard the familiar calm beginning, knowing it by heart now. Akashi joined him on the ice.

“Skate towards me,” is all Akashi said before he moved to invade Kouki’s space. He instinctively skated backwards, face flushing at the suddenness, and keeping track of where he was on the ice so he wouldn’t run into the walls. He didn’t know what the figure skater was doing, getting so close to him as if it didn’t affect him at all.

Akashi moved to get closer but Kouki skated faster. He turned and began to skate away until Akashi caught up. He crossed over, unsure what to do or what has gotten into the man. Why was he insistent on staying so close? For what reason did he move to reach him? What was he supposed to do to get him to stop?

_Skate towards me_.

He could barely think with Akashi being everywhere. If he moved, the figure skater responded. He just couldn’t get away.

But if he skated towards him, they would crash. There would be pain. He would fall and would never understand why Akashi was doing this.

_“If you fall and fail, I’ll be there to pick you back up.”_ He recalled those words from a few days ago. _“I will drag you off the cold ground so you can try again.”_

He wanted to believe those words right now.

The blades scraped against the surface and Kouki spun to face Akashi. The other skater was obviously not expecting it as Kouki practically crashed into him head first.

His hand touched the ice as Akashi slid away with perfect balance. He managed to regain his composure and skated towards him. Akashi wasn’t letting him lead so easily and they both ended up circling each other trying to determine who would break away first.

Kouki sped up and Akashi did the same. They moved away from the circle, trying to overcome each other, racing down the ice. It was almost like speed skating if their eyes weren’t completely focused on the other, searching for a way to grab hold.

Kouki had no idea what he was doing. He just knew there was a challenge in Akashi’s eyes that he couldn’t look away from. He had to respond in kind to his idol in order to stay in his favour after all but there was something more to the way Akashi was looking at him – something he couldn’t determine.

The music was reaching its climax – timpani and brass blasting out. Kouki lost track of everything just like the wildness of the rhythm and felt a sharp pain as he crashed into the wall. He landed on his back, the surprise hurting him more than the actual pain.

Akashi reached towards him, and offered a hand.

Kouki reached out but stopped. Akashi looked so tall while he was on the ground – he was the sky above him, looking down at him.

He didn’t _want_ him to look down at him.

Kouki frowned and dropped his hand down. He placed both of them on the ice and adjusted so he could push off his leg to stand. He thought he saw the corner of Akashi’s lips twitch.

The song finished was coming to an end and Kouki knew exactly what he should do. They continued to skate as if his fall didn’t happen, moving forward and sideways, all over the rink, merely circling around each other. As the music reached its final crescendo, they reached the end of the rink once more and instead of moving forward, Kouki turned back to Akashi.

The man was caught off-guard after being encircled the entire time. Kouki slammed his hands against the half wall, not caring that he knocked their foreheads together, and trapped Akashi there with the final chord. Their faces were so close and his head was hurting. They inhaled and exhaled openly and Kouki could see sweat trailing down Akashi’s cheek and the perspiration above his lips.

Their eyes met.

There was glee in Akashi’s eyes that Kouki hadn’t seen before. It was such a genuine and unadulterated expression that made him look younger and brighter.

“Hah,” Akashi sighed as he continued to breathe heavily. A smile lit up his face. “Your method could be a little more refined, but you definitely exceeded my expectations in the end.”

It was his idol talking to him so of course he was pleased. It couldn’t be more obvious.

But something inside of his chest growled in full force, not of anger, but of excitement. Maybe the adrenaline was still raging through his blood, but Kouki could feel that _something_ had happened.

His mind was definitely clear now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, feels like a long time coming. Juggling the cheesiness, seriousness, and everything else is a bit tough so hopefully this turned out alright.
> 
> Thank you for waiting :)


	7. The First Step

_Kouki didn’t know how long he had been his room, lying on his bed and listening to music but it felt like time had stopped._

_He had been staring at the ceiling for so long that it had become dark before he knew it. He had rejected hanging out with his friends in favour of going home and decided to just…lie there, unmoving on his back, mind blank and brain barely functioning._

_His parents weren’t home yet from the rink, based off the time on his digital clock. His brother probably had club practice as well and he wouldn’t see him until dinner. So it was just him by himself at home, doing nothing._

_He glanced around his room. Most of his walls were bare but there were posters of Akashi Seijuurou, graceful on the ice like usual. There was an article about his win from last year in a tournament in Japan that Kouki wasn’t able to attend. He looked dazzling in the image, quiet and candid as if the photograph was catching one of his practice sessions._

_There was another article next to it. Akashi stood on the first place podium with a bouquet of flowers in one arm and the other held up the gold medal around his neck. He was smiling coolly as if it was just another simple task._

_Which it probably was._

_Kouki stood up and walked out of his room. The sight of his idol around him was unsettling him and he needed some air._

_Instinctively, he went to the front door, his hand reaching for duffle bag on the ground. He paused. His fingers recoiled before exiting the house._

_It was still a little chilly out even with the sun barely peeping out from the horizon. He walked to the park first. Other kids were departing as he arrived, leaving it empty. The shadows of the trees loomed but he didn’t feel intimidated as he approached one of the benches._

_He scanned the park and stood on the bench when he knew no one is there. He stood on the edge, letting a foot hang loosely off it. He swung it forward and back, forward and back, then swung it forward, jumping with the momentum and twisted his body in the process. He landed back on his foot, the leg that was loose behind him as he leaned forward slightly._

_He leaned forward towards the ground but kept his head up, staring forward. His leg lifted up in the air, imagining the ice beneath him, moving him onward._

_Except he was completely still._

_He continued to do simple jumps, remembering what they were like on the ice. The feeling of jumping and twisting in the air – if only he was successful._

_He did it until he felt the sweat running down his face and his body was warm. He stopped, and walked back home._

_When he entered the house, he heard the TV playing. He walked towards the living room and saw his brother lying on the coach with the remote in his hand. He was about to head to the kitchen when Hikaru’s voice stopped him._

_“Hey, get over here,” He said. He sat up and grinned, patting the spot next to him. “Come chill with me.”_

_Kouki raised an eyebrow. His brother never invited him to sit with him while watching TV so he was suspicious. Hikaru caught his look and laughed._

_“Is it wrong I want to have some quality family time?”_

_“Not with_ me _.”_

_“Just get over here!” Hikaru rolled his eyes._

_Kouki stepped forward tentatively. He turned to the TV and stopped, realizing why Hikaru wanted him to watch with him._

_On the screen was a rink. Not just any rink, but one filled to the brim with sponsors on the walls and people in the stands. A single figure stood in the middle, red hair aflame and black outfit sparkled with dark gems. He was looking down, arms at his side, exposing himself to the world._

_Akashi Seijuurou was about to skate._

_Kouki hadn’t seen him skate since the competition. Unconsciously, he sat down in front of it, his eyes not straying away._

_The music was different than before. Akashi moved languidly, not looking up at the camera. It was sorrowful – a woman singing in an unknown language. The notes were long as if they were gliding across the ice. Akashi’s movements were soft, tender and tamed._

_They weren’t as sharp as before._

_Kouki was entranced. Where was this coming from all of a sudden? Where did this boy get such soft feelings, fighting against the strength he had been building up for years?_

_His delicate moves were like feathers, floating through the white canvas. He stretched into the Kerrigan spiral, his left arm reaching out forward. The camera was perfectly positioned so it looked like that Akashi was inviting the audience to come closer, to feel the same pain he did – to enter his world._

_The song finished and there was deafening silence in the rink before a break of applause. Kouki released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, suddenly conscious that he was still in the living room, sitting closer to the TV than he was before. His eyes were cold along with parts of his cheeks. When he touched them, they were wet._

_“Aniki…” Kouki turned to his brother. He saw the grin wipe away from his face and was replaced with worry._

_“What?! Why are you crying?” Hikaru got up. He hopped from one foot to another, searching for a tissue around the room. “K-Kou – don’t cry! Geez, mom and dad are going to kill me…”_

_“Aniki.” Kouki stood up and wiped his tears with his sleeve and looked up at his brother. “I can’t stop any longer.” Hikaru stopped and looked at him._

_Kouki escaped the room in a rush. He heard his brother yell for him but he was at the front, grabbing the untouched duffle bag by the strap and running out the door._

Their unsung duet didn’t leave the rink, carrying on quietly between them. With everything in and out of his mind, his focus became sharper as the competition became closer.

“Noting your strengths and weaknesses, here is the routine that I have compiled for you for your free,” Kouki looked down at the list of moves he would have to execute. Before he managed to get through all of them, he felt a gentle touch against his chin and felt himself look up at Akashi, a bright red splashing on the colourless rink. “Watch me.”

With the remote, Akashi played the music and moved towards the centre. Eyes fluttered closed, head tilting ever so softly to the ground and his back was straight. He was angled towards Kouki, right leg behind the other, relaxed as his arms and shoulders.

Once it started, Kouki couldn’t take his eyes off him.

He had been so mesmerized that by the time he finished, Kouki had missed one critical component that caused him panic.

“I’m going to skate _that_?!”

* * *

“More air on that triple axel,” Akashi declared as Kouki stumbled to keep on his feet after his jump. “Don’t be afraid to go higher. Push your legs more and aim for the lights.”

The bead of sweat rolled down his forehead. They had been working on this one sequence for at least half an hour. His legs wobbled weakly after managing to land the axel consistently enough for Akashi to move to the next part – which was to _evolve_ it.

“O-Okay,” Kouki said as he got off the wall. He began by skating backwards, crossing his legs over and moving his arms like in the choreography. His focus was being pressed to his legs, begging and pleading them to function enough to jump.

The music was imaginary in his mind in the silent rink. He could feel the crescendo in his body as he took off.

It was different than before.

His eyes had to be trained forward on the ice, staring at the walls and his surroundings as he tried to land his jump and continue the routine. But at that moment, time slowed down – the usual blur was detailed with local business’ advertisements along the walls, the scoreboard for hockey games, the empty bleachers with stains from children spilling their drinks – everything was so clear and pristine.

He even looked towards Akashi. There was a small smile on his face that he could see even from up high. He could see the shine in his eyes, the light reflecting off his red hair, the barest of scuffs on his skates—

…before crashing hard.

“Well,” He was facing the ceiling before Akashi had skated up to him, peering down with a raised eyebrow. “You almost had it.”

Kouki got up to try again.

* * *

“Back straighter, Kou-kun!”

“Yes!”

“Legs out more…more… _feel_ yourself touch the ground!”

“I’m trying!” Kouki gasped as his hands reached forward on the ground as much as possible. His legs had reached their limit, stretching out to the side and he heard Momoi huff in annoyance. Not long after, the pattering of flesh against the wood floor got louder and he felt something push against his back, forcing him further. “That _hurts_.”

“I can’t believe how bad your flexibility has gotten,” Momoi complained. “We’ll have that fixed soon.”

“Momoi…that really…”

“Isn’t that right, Akashi-kun?”

Kouki managed not to strain himself when he looked up at the mirror. Akashi was sitting in the back, watching the practice. He could only see Momoi’s pink hair as she also looked at the skater.

Akashi had a devious, Cheshire grin on his face.

“Of course.”

* * *

When it came to skating, Kouki knew he didn’t have the confidence to do any routines. Basics are fine and good enough for him to work. His jumps weren’t particularly strong and his step sequences were a bit odd.

So he was surprised when Akashi complimented him on his combination spins.

“Thanks?” Kouki was confused as he stared at the professional. Not that he hadn’t be complimented before (mainly by his friends that could barely skate or his students that were at least fifteen years younger than him) but by _Akashi_ – world champion, professional and currently his coach – it was a bit baffling.

“Do you question it?”

“Well, yeah,” Kouki sipped his water bottle shyly. “You always have some words of criticism afterwards. What’s the catch?”

“Nothing,” Akashi’s face was blank. “No catch. It was a genuine statement.”

“Really?”

“Do you believe that everything I say has some sort of bite to it?” Akashi blinked in surprise. Kouki heard him cluck his tongue. “Is that the kind of person I appear to be?”

Kouki’s cheeks burned in embarrassment and shame.

“Although, I must say,” Akashi’s voice became low as he sat next to Kouki. The boy didn’t say anything, “When you hold that Biellmann spin, I can’t seem to take my eyes off—”

“T-That’s enough!”

* * *

Kouki had opened the front door, surprised to see his best friend standing there with his backpack, and his camera bag slung over one of his shoulders like always. Kuroko had been busy with work and with Kouki busy with practice recently, they hadn’t seen each other. Sure, they’ve messaged but it felt like forever since they met.

“Hey,” Kouki opened the door wider for his friend to step in. “How’ve you been?”

“Good. Thank you for asking, Furihata-kun,” Kuroko was as polite as ever. “How are you?”

“Fine, all things considering,” He rubbed his arm where a bruise had formed from a fall earlier that day. “It’s rare for you to come over unannounced.”

Kuroko stared.

“Ah, I apologize,” Kuroko bowed his head. “I was requested by Akashi-kun and I thought he had informed you.”

“…you were?” Kouki tilted his head. Just when he was going to question him more, Kouki felt warmth approach him and knew that Akashi had made his presence known. He turned and peered at him.

“I’m sorry, Furihata-kun. It must’ve slipped my mind after practice earlier,” Akashi at least had the gall to look sheepish, the image now becoming ingrained in Kouki’s mind forever, locked up in safekeeping. “I had requested your friend for any videos of your skating since you told me you couldn’t find them.”

Kouki spluttered in surprise as he watched his best friend – _former_ best friend now – hand over a stack of CDs with what he assumed to be _all_ of the videos of his failed attempts. In truth, Kouki had hid them all in Hikaru’s closet, too embarrassed to look at any of them. He glared over at Kuroko but if he noticed, he didn’t react.

“Come,” Akashi had reached out, lightly grasping his forearm. “Let’s go watch.”

“Oh. No. I’ve already—”

“No, you haven’t,” Kuroko said bluntly without letting him finish. Kouki sent him a sharp look but he wasn’t scared. Kouki didn’t really have a scary face anyways.

And that’s how he ended up on his couch, sitting between his best friend and coach, hiding his face behind his hands as they watched his miserable attempts to imitate Akashi.

* * *

It was one of those rare times that practice and training was forgone in favour of relaxation.

Akashi had gotten into the habit of visiting Kiyoshi’s farm to ride horses. Kouki went with him during those times as they roamed through the vast land. Akashi seemed to favour a light grey horse by the name of Hokori – a stubborn little thing that Kouki knew the Kiyoshi family had trouble with.

Of course, Akashi being Akashi was able to tame him.

Kouki often rode with a brown mare named Maki. She came to the Kiyoshi’s farm when he was still in high school and he was one of the few humans that she trusted, being a ridiculously shy horse.

So with Hokori and Maki, they rode out. Summer was approaching soon so the leaves were green and the birds were actively chirping. It was peaceful under the sun as they strolled along.

Akashi galloped through gracefully and Kouki tried to keep up. Even when he dashed too far, Akashi always stopped and waited, eyes shining excitedly as if he was a child.

“You…have your own horse, right?” Kouki asked when they rode side by side. They didn’t get too far because Maki was still nervous around Hokori.

Akashi nodded. “Yukimaru. He’s the foal of my mother’s horse and was born in the same winter as me.”

“That sounds so neat,” Kouki chuckled. “Is…is he doing well?”

“Last I checked,” Akashi answered quietly. “It has been a while. I know he’s getting a bit in age but I’ve entrusted him to people to make sure he gets enough exercise and care.”

“We could make the trip to visit him, if you want. Your family lives in Tokyo, right? It’s not too far.” Kouki stated. Akashi didn’t respond. “I’m sure he’d be glad to see you.”

There was a serene smile on Akashi’s lips that Kouki knew was out of place.

“I’d like that.”

* * *

Akashi had that look again.

Quiet, forlorn, longing – it was with that look that Kouki knew he shouldn’t step in. He knew that this was the time for Akashi to be alone, lost in his thoughts – away from being his coach with the utmost confidence in him; away from the presence of a celebrity figure in front of the cameras; and away from being the champion, smiling at his newly achieved record. It was a time for him to be the Akashi that Kouki knew so little about.

There was a boundary there – thin and faint. Not visible to anybody but Kouki could feel it. It was enough for when someone invades it, Akashi can revert back to a gentleman; but it was also enough to let people know that they shouldn’t cross – stillness.

And today, Kouki chose to step in it.

“Hey,” Kouki moved towards him with a calm smile. He lifted up the plate in his hands for Akashi to see the brownies laid on it, “Here’s dessert if you’re interested.”

Akashi exhaled as his eyes became focused again. His breath wasn’t visibly noticeable since it the seasons transitioned and he could only feel it now. Akashi smiled cautiously and accepted the brownies. He had reached down into his pocket to turn down his MP3 player that was connected to his earbuds. Kouki looked over at it curiously.

“What are you listening to?”

“Oh. Just some songs, trying to pick out which would be best for your exhibition piece.”

Kouki laughed. “My exhibition piece? Do you think anyone would ask _me_ to do an exhibition piece?”

“Of course.”

The confidence in his voice filled Kouki to the brim and he could feel a blush dusting across his cheeks.

Kouki was glad that Akashi had this unwavering confidence that he lacked. Even when he fell, trying to execute a move, he knew that he wasn’t up to par with any competitor. He knew that he got hurt more than enough and wanted to escape it – but this man, his coach, always patched him up. Whether it was with tape or bandages, or encouraging words, there was something in his assurance that calmed him down and made Kouki realize this was the right choice.

And he – being an expert at this – knew that for some reason, Akashi was hesitating.

“If you have anything that’s bothering you, please feel free to say it,” Kouki turned to him. Akashi raised an eyebrow and he continued. “You’ve helped me a lot as my coach so I want to be able to return the favour.”

“I appreciate your concern, Furihata-kun,” Akashi nodded. “But rest assured. Nothing is bothering me.”

Kouki was taken aback.

Despite Akashi’s calm voice and demeanour, despite his pleasant smile and convincing tone, Kouki could easily tell he was lying.

It bothered him

“Okay. If you’re sure. But…” Kouki fidgeted with his hands as he tried to find the right words to say. How was he going to approach this? “I just want to make sure you’re fine. I mean, I guess as my coach, you would want to know me better to train me. But I feel like as a skater, I feel like that we would be more effective if both of us know a little more about each other. Be open and all that.

“Sorry if I’m being nosy!” Kouki said immediately when he saw Akashi’s expression tense. “I trust you but I just want to…you know, make sure you’re comfortable.”

Akashi didn’t say anything, merely staring at Kouki. He tried to keep their eyes level and tried to show that he had no fear. Akashi could get scary as a coach but he was cordial in person – Kouki had never seen him angry outside of the rink and hoped he didn’t step across the boundary too much.

“Thank you, Furihata-kun,” Akashi’s face softened. “I will keep that in mind.”

* * *

Months passed. Between training at the rink and the ballet studio, those embarrassing video sessions with Kuroko and Akashi (in which Akashi was just nitpicking and Kuroko was silently watching next to him), his failed attempts and successful ones, the time came.

His first competition.

“I think I’m going to puke.”

“Sweetie, you’ll be fine.”

“I need to go to the bathroom.”

“We know you’ll stay there the entire day if we don’t watch you.”

“The competition will be over at least.”

His mother was kneeling in front of him. Her hand was on his knee, rubbing circles with her thumb. Kuroko held out a water bottle for him that Kouki both wanted to accept and refuse. Drinking something would probably help him calm down but he felt like he would just regurgitate it back up. He wasn’t sure his stomach and body could handle such a thing.

“Do you have any beer instead?” Skating drunk would probably help a lot more than water.

“Sorry, but I don’t,” His so-called best friend told him as the corner of his lips turned upwards. Kouki groaned and he felt a slap on his knee.

“No drinking and skating!” His mother scolded. “You remember what happened to your brother, right? May he rest in peace.”

“He’s still alive,” Kouki snorted. “Don’t worry. I’m not as stupid as him.”

“You better not. You _do_ take after me.”

“Where’s Akashi-kun by the way?” Kuroko asked to change the subject. At this, Kouki felt a new sickness inside of him.

“He’s currently doing some interviews in the lobby,” His mother answered before he could. “Though they _could_ interview Kouki too. It’s ridiculous to think that they wouldn’t interview the actual skater instead.”

“It _is_ his coaching debut.” Kouki leaned on his thighs with his elbows. He placed his forehead on his mother’s shoulder. “The media will always be focused on him no matter what. He _is_ Akashi Seijuurou.”

“Um, excuse me…?” Kouki looked up and saw a nervous looking young boy with large, round glasses. “A-are you perhaps F-Furihata Kouki-san?”

“Eh?”

“He is,” Kuroko confirmed, causing the boy to jump. He switched from his shock of his sudden appearance back to Kouki with bright eyes.

“I knew it!” He gave a nod. “I just wanted to tell you that your rendition of Akashi-san’s _Chuusuru_ was incredible! I’ve seen others try his routines but yours stuck with me.” His eyes shone and his cheeks were flushed. “It was breathtaking.”

“O-oh,” Kouki felt his cheeks burn in embarrassment. He had the occasional reporter ask him questions about the routine but they were all there for Akashi in the end. He never actually had a stranger compliment him before and call the poor attempt ‘breathtaking’. “Um, thank you…”

“Onodera! Onodera Sakimichi!”

“Onodera-kun,” Kouki blinked at the enthusiasm. “Are you competing today as well?”

He nodded. “Yep. We better get ready for the warm up. Good luck, Furihata-san!”

A shaky laugh left his lips as Kouki waved.

“Isn’t that cute?” His mother cooed as she patted him on the back. “Your first fan!”

“I got it recorded on my camera,” Kouki turned to his friend and saw that he did, indeed, have his camcorder in his hand. He smiled. “It’ll make for a nice memory.”

“Oh, my God,” Kouki placed his face in his hands. “He didn’t look nervous at all!”

“I don’t think so.” Kuroko replied. “I think everyone here is a little nervous, especially since someone like Akashi-kun is here.”

“Speaking of which, it’s almost time to start,” His mother said as she glanced at the clock on the wall. “He better get here soon.”

“Do you think he realized I probably can’t do this and decided to quit without telling me?” Kouki asked with wide eyes.

“I highly doubt that.”

“You’re worrying too much,” Kuroko patted his shoulder in reassurance. “I’m sure Akashi-kun isn’t that type of person.”

“I know he isn’t,” Kouki groaned. “It doesn’t mean I can’t help it!”

A wave of chatter got louder. Kouki looked over to see Akashi stepping in the room. He appeared composed but Kouki noticed the irregularity of his breathing. Kouki stood up, nearly losing his balance on the thin blade of his skates.

“I apologize for being late,” Akashi ran a hand through his hair down to his neck to rub it awkwardly. “Is everything okay here?”

“Y-yeah,” Kouki squeaked, feeling his chest heaving quicker than usual. The room around Akashi’s face became dark. His vision began to blur even though he knew his eyes were open, the air stinging them.

‘Oh, God. Oh, God. Not now,’ He could feel himself losing it. The fear hit him so suddenly. His feet couldn’t move, planting themselves to his spot, unable to break free.

His blades were dull, unable to cut through whatever was holding him down. His legs were shaking and he felt the panic rise up his throat, threatening to come out. He could hardly feel anything except the rapid thumping through his chest, reverberating like the heavy drums of his music and screaming out like the wild brass.

He couldn’t run.

A single touch brought light back into his eyes, clearing the way and seeing the familiar vivid shade of red. Akashi’s eyes were concerned yet firm, staring at him with fervor. His eyes were solely focused on him.

“You won’t fail,” Akashi’s voice was quiet enough for only Kouki to hear. “After all these months of practice and dedication, you won’t fail.”

“I’ll fall and hurt myself and—“

“Get back up,” He became closer, their foreheads touching. “If you fall, get back up and finish it. Failure is not falling and getting hurt. Failure is not finishing – incompletion. Failure is to stay still and not move forward. Everything else is an _obstacle_.

“You haven’t failed until you give up,” He declared with confidence. “Have you given up?”

There was only one way Kouki could answer.

“ _No_.”

“Good,” Akashi breathed and the strong pressure on Kouki suddenly disappeared as his coach moved back a little. “Because I won’t give up on you.”

Looking around, Kouki could see the room was nearly empty except for them, Kuroko and his mother. There was curiosity, concern, and confidence in all of their faces. They all smiled at him, filling his chest.

“Furihata-kun,” He looked at Akashi, still grand and poised. He was holding on to Kouki’s right hand gently. “It’s your time.”

Kouki swallowed. The fear didn’t cease. He could still hear it thrumming in his ears, pumping through his veins and forcing his heart into submission.

But his legs were free.

And he took the first step forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half of this was time skipping because the competition needs to start! So here’s just a glimpse of the past few months.
> 
> Kouki’s competitive life is going to start next chapter! Anxious about that because you know, figure skating is hard. щ（ﾟДﾟщ）
> 
> Thank you for your support for this fic! I really am surprised by the response to this and hope you continue to enjoy it.


	8. Zephyrus

_He arrived at the rink while people were exiting, presumably after their classes. He hunched to try to make himself less noticeable and peered through the glass of the doors to see his father sitting on the Zamboni, wiping the old ice cleanly off the surface. He glanced around and saw some people still packing up. His mother was off to the side, talking to a student._

_“Furihata-kun?” He jumped and nearly screeched, the bag suddenly feeling heavy on his shoulder. He turned to Kuroko who was standing there with a tilt of his head. He was a little taller than Kouki at that moment only because he had skates on his feet, preparing to go inside. “Are you okay?”_

_“P-perfectly!” Kouki croaked as he tried to calm his heart. “You just…scared me.”_

_“I apologize,” Kuroko was just as polite as ever. “I was just curious to why you’re sneaking around like that.”_

_“O-oh. Not much!” Kouki had ran out the door while his brother called after him, not even considering that there were still lessons at the rink. He completely forgot after so long that instead of it being his personal playground, it was his family’s business and they had to sustain it somehow. “I…just wanted to check on mom and dad.”_

_He saw Kuroko’s shift to his bag before back to him. He knew that his best friend didn’t believe such a thing._

_“Okay,” He replied much to Kouki’s surprise. He opened the door behind Kouki and looked inquiringly. “Then let’s go.”_

_“Ah?”_

_“You want to see your parents, right?” Kuroko indicated with his head. “Let’s get going.”_

_The sharp sound of the whistle blew through the air, indicating start of the lessons. People rushed forward to get on the ice and Kuroko had disappeared in the crowd. Kouki made his way up the stairs of the bleachers, putting his bag on the floor and taking a seat._

_He watched as the students go around the ice, eventually being split in their respective groups. He watched as young ones hesitated, slipping on the ground; he watched as the older kids try their first jumps, legs shaking and only able to do half a rotation._

_His smiled to himself._

_Forty minutes later and people started getting off the ice. Kouki glanced up at the digital clock on the wall and saw that it was just past six-thirty. Usually, the rink closed around this time so people could eat dinner before coming in for a free skate that started at eight._

_He got up and threw his bag over his shoulder again, stumbling at the sudden weight. Quickly hopping down the stairs, he stopped in front of his mother who was taking off her skates. She stopped, probably recognizing the shoes in front of her, before glancing up._

_“Hello, dear,” She was strangely calm as she spoke. “What’s up?”_

_“Um…” Kouki suddenly felt the words stuck in his throat. Everything he wanted to say suddenly choked him, struggling, unable to do anything except make gargling noises._

_But he met his mother’s eyes, both curious and kind, and knew he had nothing to worry about._

_“Iwanttoskate!” He declared in a rush, the words just suddenly bubbling up without thought. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion as Kouki tried again. “C-can I…skate? I really want to skate.”_

_The confusion cleared from her face and was replaced with a soft smile._

_“Of course,” She nodded. She stood up, skates slightly untied and waved to his father on the Zamboni. “I thought you’d never ask.”_

_Kouki didn’t know how long it took to tie up his shoes – time moved deceiving slowly and erratically fast at the same time. He looked up and saw only a few stragglers left and his mother already changed out of hers, leaning against the wall with her elbows. He stood, huffing his chest out and zipping up his sweater, feeling the sweat pour through._

_He didn’t say anything as he took the first step on the ice, feeling the sensation of movement with so little as a twitch. It was familiar and natural for him to move around the space, growing up on it. However, he didn’t skate after that competition and it suddenly felt smaller than the other rink – compact and empty – yet somehow comforting._

_He skated in circles, unsure how many laps he did before ending up in the center._

_His eyes stared at the very core, following the lines of the ring to indicate where a puck was to be dropped. This was the start of his routine and where he was supposed to finish as well. It was his beginning and end and for all he knew, it could have been the end of something else as well._

_He raised his arms up, remembering where they were supposed to be. His mother was looking straight at him, surprise apparent in her eyes._

_And he began to skate._

90.32

‘How does _anyone_ get the nerves to skate first and get a friggin’ _90.32?_ ’ Kouki nearly screamed as he heard the score announced over the speakers. His stomach had instantly dropped and his legs were shaking, resisting the urge to just drop right there.

His mother had a hand on his back for support.

“What kind of monster is he?!” Kouki muttered indignantly. “You can’t just _do_ that!”

“I’m sure he’ll make plenty of mistakes in the free skate,” His mother said cheerfully as if she wasn’t wishing upon the failure of another skater. “Doing your best will be enough.”

Kouki grumbled at her words and peeked over at his coach next to him. Akashi had his finger and thumb on his chin, eyes focused straight ahead and Kouki knew that his brain was working, moving like clockwork. There was a flicker in his eyes as he watched the next skater get on the ice.

“It seems the quality for amateur skaters is much higher than anticipated,” Akashi said absent-mindedly and Kouki felt himself jolt.

His stomach started squirming uncomfortably but not in the same way he was used to. There was a sense of…ire that suddenly consumed him, strangely enough. The nerves had disappeared and he could only feel a hot sensation, glaring at the skater on the ice as they move rhythmically to the music, and glancing back at Akashi.

“You’re up soon,” Akashi said, not noticing the heat from his stare. He held out a hand and offered a smile. “It’s time.”

Kouki unzipped his jacket and handed over to Akashi’s outstretched hand. The man used his other hand to smooth out the wrinkles of the dark blue shirt – simple in nature with a few ruffles around his collar but not flashy – closer to Kouki’s style than Akashi’s. He did compromise by having intricate lace on the back of the shirt when Akashi called it simple. He wore black pants with a single line of dark blue sequins on either side, making it sparkle a little.

“I like that,” Akashi smiled at Kouki, making his heart leap. “The fire in your eyes. It’s a good look.”

_79.84_

That was the next score.

Kouki walked towards the rink, his turn up next. He saw Onodera off to the side. He looked slightly disappointed by the number but he was glowing. His eyes shined and there was a small smile of relief on his lips.

He must’ve noticed Kouki staring. He turned and waved; the grin widening.

“Furihata-kun! Good luck!”

Kouki was startled but turned away, focusing his eyes on the ice.

“ _Representing Minami-Mori Skating Club, please welcome Furihata Kouki_.”

He ignored the chatter in order to pay attention to Akashi’s face. He couldn’t hear him either as he gave some last minute advice. Someone had called out to Akashi, making him look over for a brief moment before turning back to Kouki.

The anger sparked again.

“Got it.”

Kouki was in shock. He didn’t expect his voice to come out so coldly. The surprise on Akashi and his mother’s face indicated they felt the same but he had to move forward. He swallowed, trying to hold back everything as he prepared to skate in the centre.

The sound of his blades on the ice soothed him as everything was amplified and muffled at the same time. At one point, he thought he could hear people breathing. It had become so quiet that he could hear the blood travel through his ears, burning his face and heart with all that it could muster.

He didn’t feel normal. This wasn’t his usual nerves acting up, nor was it any little confidence he ever had. No, it was completely different and right now, he didn’t need different.

He stared straight at Akashi. He was standing with his arms crossed, looking at him steadily – unwavering and with confidence.

_This_ – at least – was normal.

The music began – the lutes flittering through his skin and Kouki glided forward.

The piece was based on the mythology of Apollo and his human lover, Hyacinth. Apollo was drawn to Hyacinth by his beauty and they ended up falling in love with each other.

Why Akashi chose this particular piece, Kouki didn’t know, but it baffled him nonetheless.

He didn’t know what approach to take when he first heard about this, what character he should try to express. Hyacinth was the namesake of the song, so Kouki’s first instinct was to go to him but it didn’t feel right.

If anything, _Akashi_ was Hyacinth – a charming young man that caught the attention of everyone, causing a god to fall in love with him. Whether it was by his good looks or by his skills on the ice, Kouki had concluded that this wasn’t a power a mere mortal had.

He knew that despite the insult to the role, _he_ was Apollo – the one enamoured with him; the one who managed to have him in his grasp much to the world’s displeasure. It was a role that he felt fit him at the moment he first mulled over it.

‘But I don’t feel like Apollo,’ Kouki thought as he prepared for his first jump, his heart calm in the most unusual way. ‘Because I’m _not_ Apollo.’

_Quadruple toe loop._

He had spun quicker than he anticipated; the takeoff more powerful than usual. He over rotated a bit by paid it no mind as he tried to listen to the music as he weaved into his serpentine step sequence. He had to focus on his next move.

Apollo is the god of music – the god of healing and the sun. Kouki was anything such and that role was something he couldn’t approach without question. The free program seemed ten times easier to understand than a story with characters like this. The only thing he and the god had in common was that they were captivated by the person they were with.

_Triple loop, triple flip._

He nearly fell but composed himself well enough before dipping himself back into a layback Ina Bauer, eyes looking up at the ceiling.

The lights were so bright, it nearly blinded him.

He felt so winded and he barely started. If he was like this at the start of his short program, how was he going to survive his free skate tomorrow?

His lungs were hurting.

Coming out of the Ina Bauer, he spun around, skating before slowly lifting left leg off the ground and bring the blade above his head for his hand to grasp, continuing to go backwards. After holding it for a few seconds, the leg whipped around to behind himself again and transitioned into a camel spin.

Everything blurred into multitudes of colours but he rose up to take a jump.

_Triple axel_.

The jump was rough and violent but he did it. His head tilted up but his eyes strayed to the side where he knew Akashi was watching. He couldn’t tell what Akashi’s expression from the distance as he continued his routine but the only thing that mattered was that he was watching.

He was watching _him_.

_“I’m not Hyacinth or Apollo.”_

_Kuroko looked at him in confusion. He was sipping the straw of his vanilla milkshake as Kouki bemoaning the fact that he couldn’t get this routine down._

_“I’m not this charming Spartan prince and I’m no god,” Kouki crinkled his nose in disgust at the thought. “So what am I in this routine?”_

_“I’m sure Akashi-kun chose this particular myth for a reason.” Kuroko pointed out as he began to stir the straw. Kouki took a sip of his latte. “He probably wants you to have your own interpretation.”_

_“What can I get out of this story?” Kouki muttered, feeling his ears burn. Empathizing with Apollo was easy but he didn’t have the guts to play such a pretty god._

_“Well…” Kuroko began slowly. “There is something that you’re missing in all of this…”_

Even though the story of Apollo and Hyacinth was supposed to be romantic, it was, in the end, a tragedy.

Zephyrus, the god of the west wind, was also in love with the mortal. In rage of Hyacinth’s preference to the sun god, Zephyrus caused the prince’s death out of jealousy.

His steps in his circular sequence were light despite the heavy feeling his body. It almost seemed like he was floating on a cloud with how he moved. The music accurately reflected it with its light staccatos from the strings and the whistling breath from the flutes.

He transitioned and threw his leg up, flying before landing into a sit spin. He spun so quickly and raised his arm up, twisting his body to face the air around him.

The music was reaching its climax and his legs were shaking. The spins were so slow yet so fast. He lost count of how many rotations he did and he didn’t know how much longer he could last.

He felt the crescendo and finally the sound of a gong stopped him from spinning, collapsing on his hands and knees. He grasped at the ground and lifted his hands up to the ceiling as if he was holding something precious in his palms. The music faded and he could feel the sweat sliding down his cool skin and the eruption of applause.

Kouki picked himself up and bowed to the audience. There were some flowers being thrown (a significantly large amount of red, interestingly enough) onto the ice and he ignored them briefly, looking towards the person he wanted to see most.

Akashi was stoic. No signs of emotions on his face. Eyes were narrowed and lips pursed in thought. His arms were crossed and even from afar, Kouki could see the slight grip he had on his arm – a twitch, a small movement.

He had always been watching Akashi.

But so has the rest of the world.

And he could tell from the way Akashi didn’t react, this wasn’t the interpretation he was looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT YESTERDAY BUT I WAS BUSY OOPS.
> 
> I wanted to make this chapter longer but I was afraid it was going to get _too_ long so I stopped and am leaving this next.
> 
> I apologize for my amateur figure skating descriptions/imagination. I’m not exactly an expert although I am trying to do some research. (シ_ _)シ I’ll probably go back to this chapter and edited a bit more and learn for future chapters (such as the next one x_X).
> 
> The outfit Kouki has is basically the one Patrick Chan wore for his Elegie in E Flat Major (Rachmaninoff). You can view it [here](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vRzWIeonzFU/UN-wWdinsXI/AAAAAAAAkg8/9UINiSUXJHQ/s1600/patrick+chan+short+program.jpg). (Kouki’s would probably be a lot less plungy in the front because, damn Patrick is showing off his chest there xD)
> 
> (Also, Patrick Chan’s [Elegie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PeOafGAw04) is gorgeous and so soft and lovely.)


	9. Restart

Kouki knew he was in trouble as soon as he stepped off the ice.

Akashi had broken into a smile but not one of gentleness or politeness like usual. To anyone else, they would assume that he was pleased but that was far from the truth: there was a certain coldness Kouki had never seen before. His eyes were closed as if unwilling to show him how he truly felt. Kouki instinctively stepped back; a boundary suddenly was created around his coach.

He would have looked away if the seriousness in his voice didn’t catch his attention.

“Your jumps need a bit more work than usual, though I was sure we had them this time,” He was avoiding the main topic. “What was with that sloppy jump combination? And your quad toe loop is usually much cleaner. The arch in your back as you held up your leg could have been softer and—”

Akashi continued. He drabbled on about the technique, the incorrectness of it all, the improper positioning and the amount of speed. He went to talk about his lines or lack of and how the edges of his blades were substandard.

And he stopped there.

But Kouki knew there was more to be said.

They sat in the seats that were prepared for the competitors and their coaches after the skate. Akashi sat on one side and his mother took the other, strangely silent when his coach gave him a mouthful. Kouki glanced over to her and saw that she was not entirely focused, her expression showing more thoughtfulness than anything.

She blinked and turned as if she realized he was staring. She smiled.

“Good job, sweetheart,” She placed a hand on his back and patted it reassuringly. “You did great.”

“Really?” Kouki mumbled sarcastically, not quite believing her due to Akashi’s criticisms. Akashi didn’t say anything, smiling at the cameras that turned in their direction and Kouki suddenly felt a similar adrenaline to his performance just now come up.

He clenched his hands in his lap and looked up and straightened his back. Nobody paid him any mind, asking Akashi for interviews about what he thought about the performance as if he just skated himself; what inspired it, what is needed next. He answered them expertly like he’s done so a thousand times and Kouki forced himself to focus ahead, waiting for his score to come in.

“ _Furihata Kouki’s score is…_ ” Akashi had stopped talking and he felt his mother’s grip on his shoulder tighten. “ _83.64, currently putting him in second place._ ”

“Hah?!” Kouki stared in disbelief as he stared at the screen in front of him. His mother grinned, gripping his shoulders.

“Good job,” She hugged him calmly. He glanced down at her calm face, a twinkle of knowing in her eyes.

“T-thanks…”

He looked over to Akashi. He had that polite smile on his face as the media continued to take pictures but he didn’t say anything else to them. He turned to Kouki.

“Next time,” His voice was even and smooth but Kouki didn’t miss the warning under his tone, “Let’s grab first place, alright?”

Kouki had no choice but to agree.

* * *

It wasn’t until they got to their hotel room did the real Akashi reveal himself.

His mother had gone off shopping with Momoi (who had been watching from the audience) and his poor father had been dragged along to carry their bags. Kuroko had disappeared off somewhere like he usually did. Akashi had excused them to talk about the performance and prepare for tomorrow.

Kouki sat on the bed with a grim expression on his face. He had changed into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, playing with the water bottle in his lap.

Akashi sat on the chair next to the table. He was still dressed in his slacks and dress shirt though the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows now. His arms and legs were crossed and his eyes were closed. If Kouki didn’t know any better, he would think he was sleeping.

He didn’t want to break the silence. He didn’t know how to act. Sure, he has seen Akashi angry before but it had always been easy to deal with it; Akashi just scolded him right after, face and emotions were open for him to see. It was easy because Akashi had shown some kind of concern.

But there was no concern on his face now.

“So, tell me, Furihata-kun,” Akashi’s voice was sweet, dripping with venomous honey, “care to explain what happened to that performance?”

“I…” He felt guilty but knew he had to face him. He knew this would happen as soon as he started skating, the emotions just overwhelming him. “I did the best I could.”

“Really?” He looked up at saw Akashi leaning an elbow on his thigh, looking at him expectantly. “You believe that was the best you could do?”

“At the current moment,” Kouki gritted out. “It’s my first competition in over ten years. I don’t exactly have nerves of steel, you know? Even in practice, I never _did_ nail all of those jumps and stuff. And the characterization of this piece is _hard_ —”

“ _Furihata-kun,_ ” Akashi’s cut through him like a sword. “I don’t need your excuses.”

Kouki flinched.

“Did you take into consideration to what this piece is? What the emotions are behind it and why I gave it to you?”

“Of course I have.”

“Then why didn’t you portray them correctly?” Akashi’s eyes flashed dangerously. “I don’t expect you to emulate my example but you didn’t even catch the right _mood_. I didn’t expect you to get it perfectly during this competition, but I didn’t expect you to be so _off_.”

“Mood is up for interpretation,” Kouki turned away with a huff. “I just gave my own.”

“That didn’t _match_ your theme.”

“Not in the way that we discussed it,” Kouki replied sharply. “But it got revitalized. It changed – it _transformed_. Akashi, I don’t think that I would’ve skated as well as I did if it didn’t.”

“You skated roughly and viciously like a juvenile that didn’t get their own way,” He could feel Akashi’s eyes burning into the back of his skull. “You skated like you were some pubescent child, raging through like a maniac, tripping over your steps.

“You didn’t skate like yourself at all.”

Kouki didn’t dispute the claim that but he didn’t agree either. He refused to look at Akashi who was probably just as angry as he was. He knew he was in the wrong but as they went on arguing, something struck him and now he refused to back down even more.

Something felt wrong.

“I’m done,” Kouki said as he stood up. He barely glanced over at Akashi as he grabbed his jacket from his bed and walked towards the door. “It’s stuffy in here.”

Akashi didn’t call out for him and Kouki felt slightly disappointed. Nevertheless, the door closed behind him and immediately, he squat down and placed his face in his hands.

The shot of adrenaline was now dying out and he tried to calm down. Was this what fighting felt like? He didn’t recall the last time he fought with someone – probably against Hikaru when the older boy did something to him when they were small but he was sure it was nothing big. Kouki always avoided fights, even debates, because he knew that that kind of thing would get him too worked up.

But now, he just made his coach hate him. Worse – his _idol_.

‘Out of all people…’ Kouki groaned and stood up. He took a deep breath.

_Breathe in. Breathe out._

After a brisk walk around the block (he did not get lost, thank _god_ , since the hotel was gigantic and hard to lose sight of), he sighed as he walked up to the door of the room. He knocked three times and waited patiently. It opened to reveal Kuroko.

“Ah,” His voice lilted up slightly to indicate surprise. “Furihata-kun. I thought you were resting?”

“Something like that,” Kouki said as Kuroko moved to the side to let him in. Momoi wasn’t back yet from shopping as far as he could see. He noticed the table near the window was set up with Kuroko’s laptop and familiar camera. “Working?”

“Just going over the footage from today,” Kuroko said as he took a seat. Kouki took a seat on the bed closest to the table and began to fidget. Kuroko’s wide eyes were on him.

“Hmm,” Kouki tilted his head. “Can…can I see?”

“What?”

He hesitated. “My routine. Can I see it?”

Kouki didn’t miss the beat of silence.

“Sure.”

Kuroko quickly moved his mouse, pressing a couple of buttons, before turning the screen to Kouki.

He had never seen raw, uncut footage before. The camera was a bit shaky as if Kuroko was still setting up. It zoomed on him when he skated to the center and he could see it instantly how irregular his movements were. The music began and Kouki watched the unrefined techniques, the blades going off balance and the whirlwind of anger.

“Wow.” Kouki mumbled much calmer than he anticipated. He watched the reckless jumps and the wreck of emotion. Was this how he skated?

‘How desperate.’

“Hey, Kuroko,” Kouki said as he kept his eyes on the screen. “How would you describe my skating?”

“Do you mean from today or usually?”

“Usually.”

“Hmm…” The muffled music and the scraping of ice sat between them. The routine was ending. “Magnetic.”

“What?” Kouki was sure his ears were lying to him as he snapped his head up to stare at his friend. Kuroko’s blank stare was serious and he felt himself shaking his head. “Are you crazy?”

“Well, that’s what I think,” Kuroko answered. “And I’m sure that’s what Akashi-kun thinks as well.”

“Nah. I really doubt that,” Kouki furrowed his brow and laid back on the bed. He stared at the ceiling, trying to absorb what his friend thought. “A guy like him? That’s impossible.”

“It’s not impossible if you think about it,” Kuroko said as if it was a fact. “For what reason did Akashi Seijuurou hop on the first plane to get to you after that video went viral? He was a world-renown skater in the middle of the season, had various more competitions and was considered to be at the prime of his career. He dropped all of that to coach _you_ , Furihata-kun. You have been trained by him for six months and you didn’t question maybe your skating brought him to you?”

Kouki shook his head. “It’s hard to believe such a thing.”

Kuroko turned the computer back to himself and fiddled with the mouse once again. When he turned it back to Kouki, he saw that it was a webpage and instantly knew what it was. He hid his eyes behind his hands, refusing to look.

“ _Don’t_. I already went through _a lot_ of torture when you two made me watch the ones from when I was a kid!”

“You have improved since then.”

“But this routine was a _disaster_. I know it.”

“But you were proud of it!” Kouki jumped at how sharp Kuroko’s voice was, cutting through him and making him look at his friend. Kuroko’s expression was determined and severe and he knew he was serious. “You were so happy that you managed to land those jumps and complete the salchow. I _was_ there after all. You have never been so pleased after attempting one of Akashi’s routines.

“Everyone is their own biggest critic,” Kuroko acknowledged, “But don’t just dismiss the hard work you’ve put into it.”

“I’m _not_ dismissing it,” Kouki mumbled though he was sure his friend could hear him, “It’s just…hard to believe that someone would think I’m worth their time and effort.”

“Believe it because it’s happening.”

“Not for long!” Kouki snapped his head up. His eyes were wide as he realized something, “Akashi was _mad_. More than mad – he was _pissed_. He probably regrets coming to coach me after that performance.”

“I think he’s just…worried.”

“I know worry when I see it and that was _not_ it.”

“Why don’t you talk to him then?”

“He could have left the city by now – no. He probably left to go back to Canada.”

There was a knock on the door.

“Or,” Kuroko stood up from his seat, “He could be waiting outside the door.”

Kouki watched, aghast, as indeed, his coach was standing there, now dressed in a hoodie and a pair of jeans. His red eyes flickered in surprise before Kuroko led him in.

“The video is here,” Kuroko maneuvered his mouse once again. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours so you can just leave the room when you’re finished.”

“Wait, what?” Kouki glared at his friend. “You’re just… _leaving_?”

“I was summoned by Momoi-san. She said that she needed some more hands for her shopping.”

Somehow, Kouki doubted that Kuroko would be willing to be Momoi’s shopping lackey, but before he had a chance to point that out, he seemed to have a disappeared and there was a silent click of the door closing.

He wanted to leave immediately but felt awkward when Akashi sat where Kuroko did. Akashi didn’t look up and just clicked the left mouse button, familiar music streaming through the computer speakers.

There was little movement as it played. Akashi’s eyes were steady on the screen while Kouki watched him. He tried to read Akashi’s blank face – he had years of training with Kuroko but he didn’t even twitch. His muscles were relaxed and he was completely focused.

He stirred when the music ended. Akashi moved his hand over to the mouse, clicked, and the music played again.

Akashi played it again and again until Kouki lost track. The music was slowly becoming a lingering reminder of what had happened and at some point, Kouki snapped.

“Turn it off,” He gritted through his teeth. “Please.”

Akashi glanced up at him for a moment before turning back to the screen.

Kouki narrowed his eyes.

“I know it’s a piece of shit,” He dropped all politeness. He was getting sick of the music already. “I know that you have issues with it and I know that you hate it.

“I’d rather you just tell me straight up instead of you just ignoring me _._ ” _Look at me. Look at me. Look at me._ “Just tell me that you want to resign as my coach—”

The music stopped and so did the words on Kouki’s tongue. He shuddered when he saw the pure anger on Akashi’s face. However, it was how eerily calm his voice was did Kouki feel fear.

“Is that what you want?” It was quiet. More so than what Kouki expected. “You want me to quit?”

“Isn’t that what _you_ want?” Kouki didn’t know when the panic had set in his voice. He heard the tremors and the uneven breathing; felt the temperature drop and the fear scald him. His eyes were downcast, staring at the carpeted floor.

And he saw Akashi’s feet step into view. Warmth touched his cheeks and was lifted up, the other’s forehead against his in a familiar gesture. Akashi’s eyes were his light – so close, so bright, and so hard to look at.

“No, it’s not,” His voice was barely a whisper. “It seems like we have a lot to talk about.”

* * *

His stomach growled at him with agony.

It wasn’t fear or the moment right before taking a dump. Kouki knew those feelings too well and often confused the two (especially when he had to deal with a particularly nerve-wracking situation). It was something unnerving that had been bothering him all night since he and Akashi left Kuroko’s room and went to bed.

Even stretching, anticipating his turn in a couple of more songs, Kouki couldn’t feel his anxieties. They were replaced with something else and for once, he wished he had them, just for familiarity’s sake.

Akashi was with him, sitting on the bench in the waiting room. His mother didn’t join them this time, seemingly able to sense the unusual mood. Everyone there could sense it and the ruckus around Akashi from the other day calmed down. Reporters understood that they should focus on other things. Even Onodera, who looked pleased that he broke his free skate’s record, didn’t wish Kouki good luck.

They moved to a small hall near the waiting room. Earbuds were in as Kouki went through his steps. Akashi watched from the side, leaning against the wall and eyes observing.

Kouki felt breathless, feeling the intensity on him. Not a word was said, but the air was thick and everything was conveyed through that. _Your leg is too low. Your hips need to turn more. You’re too tense—_

Everything. Everything. Everything. He could hear it.

He could _feel_ it.

The unsaid words of that moment.

_The words spoken last night._

Someone had come by to grab them for his turn. Kouki nodded even though he could barely comprehend anything around him. His heart was beating at a normal rate and his hands were cold, but not sweaty. His legs took their heavy steps forward to the rink, unbounded by the pressure of yesterday and waiting for the final result.

It was telling him to finish what he started.

He stripped off his jacket and handed it to Akashi. Neither said anything to each other as he skated towards the centre and got into positon.

And the music began.

_“Did you do some self-reflection?” Akashi asked as he sat across from Kouki. He placed his chin in his palm and blinked._

_“Yeah. I thought about it,” Kouki breathed in and looked at Akashi in the eyes. “I don’t regret the stunt I pulled today.”_

_“Oh?”_

His feet seemed to finally get some feeling as he reached his first jump but he wobbled on the landing. He tried to keep his performance façade but inwardly cursed, thinking about the next preparation.

_“You don’t feel that it was a_ disaster _?”_

_“It was,” Kouki almost grumbled because he couldn’t fight that, no matter how he tried. “I’m man enough to admit that. Everything was wrong. Everything cried amateur and I know that I could’ve done better. But I have no regrets.”_

The triple axel wasn’t as smooth as he wanted and he could feel something off with his flying sit spin before he did it, unable to do as many rotations as he wanted. But once he got out, he skated forward.

_“You skated with reckless abandonment.”_

_“I did.” Kouki acknowledged with a nod. “But that was_ me _skating. That was_ my _skating.”_

_“It was not.”_

Kouki refused to lose to the music that tortured him. He pivoted and spotted Akashi amongst the cameramen, eyes focused on him.

His triple salchow changed into a quadruple.

And he _landed_ it.

_“It was!” He insisted, leaning closer to the edge of the bed. “It was. It wasn’t what_ you _know as my skating, but it was definitely mine. It was scared and uncertain. It was a desperate monster of emotions. It was my life, Akashi. It was_ real.”

For the first time all day, Kouki heard everything but the music: screaming applause; the faint commentary; the scraping of the ice.

For a brief moment, he thought he could hear Akashi gasp in shock.

_“Skating is my life,” Kouki couldn’t figure out where the confidence in his voice came from but he had to roll with it or else it would be lost forever. “If I lose it, that’s it. I’m an empty shell. It has given me so much fear, so much anxiety, so many disasters._

_“But it’s given me a purpose. It led me to the idea that I could do something. It led me to happiness._

_“It led me to_ you. _”_

‘Hey, Akashi,’ Kouki thought as he finished a triple-single combination.

His body leaned forward and a leg was lifted up above him. His arm extended out, eyes settling on one figure alone.

‘Look at me.’

He huffed, stopping when the music did, arms hanging loosely around his body. His eyes looked up at the ceiling where the lights swayed as he did, exhausted and burning. Sweat was dry against his cool and hot skin and it took him a moment to hear the thunderous applause.

His face flushed. He had no idea what had just transpired or where he was on the ice. There were so many things running through his head but they all escaped him.

Kouki turned to the end of the rink, prepared to skate off when he caught Akashi’s expression. He hesitated to get off but knew that he had to, edging closer to the man who stood, ready for him.

A smile graced his features.

_“I never intended to question your love of skating, nor did I mean to question what your skating is to you,” Akashi said. He leaned his elbows on his thighs, getting closer to Kouki. “Watching you skate on the screen made me long to see it in real life. I want to see how you do it; how it developed and where it could go. I don’t want to see it self-destruct—”_

_Akashi paused. His lips twisted as if he just tasted something bitter._

_“I don’t want it to be destroyed right when we’ve just started.”_

_“Me either,” Kouki agreed. “Far beyond that. I want…to get stronger.”_

_Akashi nodded. “We’ll take it down and build it back up. To be honest, we should have done this from the beginning but I suppose we both had our expectations, didn’t we?”_

_“You need to work on your coaching.”_

_“And you shouldn’t be so rebellious when it really counts.”_

_Kouki snorted, trying to hide the laugh from escaping. He saw Akashi give a soft smile and grinned in return._

_“So, a truce for now?”_

_“For now?” Akashi raised an eyebrow._

_“In case one of us gets pissed off again,” Kouki laughed fully this time. “Because building up from scratch is going to have a lot of problems.”_

_“It is,” Akashi nodded. He stuck out his hand and Kouki accepted with his own, “But I’m glad that we’re willing to take the chance.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a long time. Thanks for waiting.
> 
> This chapter was focused on some issues Kouki and Akashi had because I did a time skip, doesn’t mean that everything was all good, right? There’s probably going to be more time skips in the future and I won’t be covering every competition/routine.
> 
> Please tell me what you think~


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